Why Time With God is A Very Fluid Concept Right Now

This morning, I was going to turn over a new leaf. Or rather, a dry brittle leaf that's been turned over more times than Jack & Jill would have had the hill they fell down been Mt. Washington itself.  I was going to start my day with God. You know, that glorious idea of a "Morning Devotional," or "Quiet Time?" I woke at 7:20am with visions of a breakfast date with Jesus. Here's what it was going to look like:

I was going to get up, greet my family members and pray with David before he left for work. Then I was going to make myself my standard espresso with chocolate caramel creamer and for a special treat, a grilled blueberry bagel with cinnamon neufchatel. Playing my Cool Praise station on Pandora, I was going to finally get around to starting a devotional journal by Luci Swindoll that has sat on my shelf for long enough for me to forget when I received it but short enough I still remember who gave it to me. I was going to cuddle up on the couch with Christ and start my day right, for once in my life thank you very much.

Here's how it really went down:

I get up, greet my family members and pray with David before he leaves for work. I find the book I want and crank up the praise. Then we realize our godson, Landon, is about to walk or drive by on his way to his very first day of Kindergarten. This is far too big a momentous occasion to sit idly back and miss it! Quickly we make a sign, "GO LANDON," and run outside to cheer him on. (I realize now, our sign could have been taken a couple different ways, but luckily I don't think his teacher will get to hidden meanings and innuendos on day one of English.) As he and his mom walk by, Vivi and I cheer and wave and I fight back the tears because I am the emotional equivalent to maple syrup.

Back inside. Forty minutes have passed since my feet first touched the floor. But I still have hope. I can DO this!

To the kitchen to make breakfast. While waiting for my espresso and bagel to be ready I multitask and fill the dishwasher and get it going. When I go to grab one of my adorable French espresso cups, I drop the matching spoon. I spend five minutes on searching for the pieces, which I am hoping I can superglue together, but later. Instead I must find a "safe" place to put them where they won't get lost or cut someone. The music stand of the piano looks a likely candidate.

Ahhh. Finally, I sit down on the couch, anxious to inspect the underside of that Quiet Time Leaf once again. But as it turns out, Bo needs some attention. His endearing method of communicating that looks something akin to a gigantic fruit fly buzzing around my lap, my head, and of course my book. Being the Super Spiritual Mom that I am, I of course yell at him that "I am trying to have my time with God right now, please stop!!!" 

T + 90 minutes since blast off. Back to my book. I've managed to skim one whole page and almost answer an entire question when the phone rings. It's my friend needing last-minute childcare because their sitter was a no-show. "Of course you can bring them over, " I promise as I stumble to my feet and begin a mad dash up the stairs to my bedroom to find something clean and decent to wear, as getting dressed was supposed to happen AFTER my quiet time. Then I race to the kitchen and dining room to make sure the spaces most prone to being very UN-kid-friendly are a smidge more child-proof - knives put away-check, milk back in the fridge-check, cabinets closed-check, tempting treats out of reach-check. Even though Meme still needs her morning pills, I figure I better wait until after the children arrive or I might make the mistake of being in her bedroom when I should be at the door, death grip on our dog's collar as 5 children file in. So instead I sit back down to "enjoy" a chorus of "Hosanna" while I scarf down the remainder of my now-cold espresso and dried out bagel. As my last bites pass my lips the phone rings, but when I go to find the phone I see the family has arrived, so I let it go to voice mail.

*         *         *

In the midst of the last 3 hours I have managed to sneak in moments of typing this up in between at least a half-dozen phone calls, a visit and cup of tea with a friend, addressing a boo-boo, reading a book, doing a puzzle, getting seven snacks, policing the dog away from the children countless times, administering medication to my mother-in-law, helping a 3 year old go potty, and making lunch.

It's 12:30. I'd say I am going to attempt a lunch date with Jesus, but reality has lowered my expectations somewhat. If Jesus wants to hang with me today, he better be wearing running shoes.

Seeking Accountability

Hello Kajiji Girls-

Is all this talk about how we spend our time, what we are doing with our talents and passions and simple living affecting you? I suppose it remains to be seen to what degree I am affected, but I know it has me thinking tons and tons. I recognize in myself the ability to think things to death while actively, I do nothing. This post is being sent out to you all as an attempt to overcome that, even if briefly, in regards to a specific part of my life.

I have always understood why it is important to have a daily date with God. I get it that He should be to us what our husbands were when we first met - exciting, someone we want to be around all the time, soaking up his every word, longing to be together when we are apart - but my head and my heart haven't ever really gotten together on these concepts and having a "regular quiet time" has been seen as a chore, something that comes way lower than taking a shower or a nap on my list of priorities when the kids are otherwise occupied.

But this talk about our passions has led me to a startling revelation. I cannot, in good faith, follow my passion, pursue my dream, unless I am first following Christ and pursuing God. I believe this would hold true no matter the passion, but in my case, I feel this necessity all the more. I long to be an encouragement and inspiration to others. (More on the specifics of how I intend to do this will come in due time.) How can this be when I am not seeking encouragement and inspiration from the Spirit? It is He who must give me breath to then give breath to others.

I have avoided facing this reality for two reasons. One - If I vow to have my time with God every day and don't - to pursue my passion would mean a pursuit shrouded in hypocrisy. Logically, I then determine I will do neither, just to be safe. Two - If I am successful (by the grace of God) and have my quiet time, I will have lost a fairly strong argument against pursing my passion and facing the fears associated with doing so. Again, logical reasoning brings me to the "safe" place of doing neither.

But now I find myself in a situation where the opportunity to realize long-held dreams is upon me. I have some key signs from God indicating the light has turned green and it is time to open up the throttle and see what this baby can do!

I want to have a 10 minute quite time (Susan sent an email about this idea, if you didn't get it, ask me and I will forward it) every day from now until Easter. This is where you come in. I need someone(s) to check in with me every day (by phone or email) to make sure I am keeping to it. I am happy to return this favor, but I don't need it to be a two-way exchange. Please do NOT casually accept this partnership. I cannot stick to this without someone(s) who will really hold me to what I need to do. Either comment here, or email me directly if you are willing to connect with me for the next few weeks.

I know I could have singled someone out to ask to do this for me, but I thought it best to let you in on what my brain (ok, God really) has been doing with our conversations and this blog. I hope it in some way means something to someone besides just me.

With much love, respect and gratitude-
Erin
ps - This was not intended to be the official posting for this week, so there may be an additional post coming. Crystal will let you know.