Pursuing Passions

People have a tendency to label me as a “passionate person.” I have never really agreed with this label, I’ve only recognized the fact that people clearly know how opinionated I can be. I have never equated being passionate with being opinionated. To me, being passionate requires more than spouting off your beliefs to anyone who will listen. To base my passions on my opinions only produces a list so overwhelming I get exhausted at the thought of it. To legitimately call something a passion of mine requires more from me than just lip service. It requires action, dedication, commitment, and follow-through.

That being said, my alarming reality is one of very little passion. It’s true.

I am passionate about mothering. I spend the majority of my waking hours doing this. I have made countless sacrifices, read innumerable books on the subject and spend a significant amount of time discussing parenting with others. Even when I am in the process of active mothering, I am constantly assessing, evaluating and reflecting on this “ginormous” part of my life.

Every other passion I hold (or have held) pales in comparison, quite frankly.

I would like to say I am equally passionate about being a wife (especially striving for that Proverbs 31-impossible-to-meet-standard) but I know I don’t spend nearly as much time / thought / energy on this area of my life. Sadly, it certainly seems to come second.

No doubt I know I need to be passionate about God and that this really should be my first passion. But God is such an abstract concept in light of these two little people ready to demand more of me than I have to give at a moment’s notice. At best, God comes third. At worst, He is a bleep on my radar that I just don’t have time for.

I am passionate about health. I have spent a great deal of time exploring my own health and evaluating the care provided by medical professionals. Through my on-going struggles with infertility and chronic acne I have realized what I ultimately want is healing, which is rarely the goal of any health care professional I’ve met. I have come to a lot of conclusions about our culture’s approach to wellness and I have decided the common road is not for me. Instead, I spend a great deal of time reading and educating myself about alternative solutions and how to achieve true health and wellness.

I am passionate about making a difference in this world and have dreamed up countless ways to do this. However, I have come rather recently to realize the greatest way I can achieve this is through “training up my children in the way they should go.” It hasn’t been easy to admit this, because it requires a much delayed sense of gratification (or worse, never knowing the difference made at all) and it also requires swallowing a rather large pride – one that would rather have me center stage at a Billy Graham crusade or a Soul Fest – inspiring the multitudes with my words. But God is working on me – showing me the immeasurable importance of my task at hand – teaching my children so that they may teach their children and so on and so on, creating a legacy of God’s children that will last an eternity.

Lastly -

I am passionate about community. I don’t mean my town or my neighborhood. The New Testament word would be “fellowship.” I ache to experience the church of Acts in my life – faith-filled families meeting together in each other’s homes to study the Word of God together, to challenge and support each other, break bread together, share resources as each one needs, lovingly hold each other accountable to the commands of Scripture and be the Body of Christ. The tough part about this passion, no matter the reading I do on this vision, the time I dedicate to planning, thinking, dreaming, no matter the seriousness I take in approaching this topic – without other’s who share in this passion as passionately as I do, this passion turns into nothing but a dream.

This week, whether you are meeting with us or not, I would like to challenge you to consider the passions you have that are dependent upon criteria outside of your control. Is there anything you can do? Maybe, like me, you long for a new baby in your family – are you living as healthy a lifestyle possible to make sure your body, mind and emotions are ready to bring forth new life? Are you passionate about your marriage (but maybe your husband isn’t so much)? - are you focusing on trying to change him or are you honestly evaluating yourself, striving to be the best wife – the best “help mate” to him possible? Are you passionate about community or friendship, but find you lack a group who shares your vision or you lack that kindred spirit? Are you doing all you can to be ready, to be available, to be vulnerable and transparent, to reach out, even when other’s don’t seem to be reaching out to you? Are you living with right priorities? Are there more important matters being lost at the expense of pursuing another passion?

These are not easy questions to answer, at least, not for me.

If you are one of the lucky few who’s passions don’t depend on anyone (or anything) else, than I certainly hope you can say you are pursing them! If not, why not? What is stopping you?

I look forward to our discussions.

-Erin

Treasure Hunt

"Finding" my passion has been something like a Treasure Hunt this past year.

Preparing for The Hunt:
Years ago I came across an audio presentation at the local library from Cheryl Richardson called Finding Your Passion. I listened to it passionately, felt the excitement in her voice, agreed with much of what she said, but that was about it. I was busy taking care of life as it happened around me. Recently, due to feeling restless, bored, and quite unpassionate, in addition to having an exceptionally long commute I pulled it out and listened to it again. This time with a bit more maturity under my belt, a genuine willingness to explore, and with heart and mind more opened through fervent prayers to pursue God's purpose for me in this life, I listened.

Starting The Hunt:
Since I typically keep my journal close by at all times, I took the opportunity to write down some questions and thoughts I had while listening. As the next few weeks sped past me I found the value in what I call "letting things marinate" in my mind, heart, and soul. As I became more infused with the flavors of passion and awareness, I realized I had some preconceived notions about what a passion-filled life means. Notion #1: I will ALWAYS love what I am doing when I am pursuing my passions. Notion #2: I will rarely run into obstacles or barriers if I am TRULY doing what I feel passionate about. So, I started changing the questions I asked myself. I asked: What do I do that makes me feel fulfilled at the end of the day? What have I done on those days that I feel I've made a difference in the world around me?

Finding The Treasures:
I sat for quite some time with those last two questions mulling around in my heart. An answer would pop up and I would note it, and then leave room again for the question until I felt I was as aware as I wanted to be about the passions within me. In reflecting upon the things I had made mental notes of, I realized that my life was already full of activities, work, pastimes, and hobbies I am passionate about.

The Treasures:
The realization that my passions were overflowing in my life was by far one of the most personally valuable treasures I encountered. It gave meaning and purpose where none had been before. It increased my sense of fulfillment in my day-to-day activities. I was able to see God's hand even more in the paths He had placed me on. More than anything, having an awareness of the gifts, talents, and passions I had been blessed with, increased my gratitude and sheer awe in the God who created me. I felt more connected to Him and felt The Holy Spirit confirm His love and adoration for me as my Heavenly Father. Both my faith and trust increased exponentially.

What else did I find, you ask?

I commute 1.5 hours one way to work every day. Perhaps to everyone else, I am stating the obvious, but I discovered on this recent journey I am passionate about my job and profession. I saw for the first time that there's NO WAY I would tolerate a minimum of 3 hours driving per day if I wasn't absolutely dedicated to what I was doing. I supervise a mental health outpatient clinic for children and families. The children I work with have been ravaged by abuse, neglect, drug abuse, violence, crime, poor education, and poverty. They are supposed to be taken care of by a state system that is faulty, laden with corruption, and values $$ and compliance more than quality services for children. In this environment there are myriads of things I could focus on, but what I value as a manager is supporting and encouraging my staff members who include case managers, behavior specialists, and therapists to do the best job they can do. I try to provide a working environment at our office and through their interactions with me where they can be as effective, productive, sensitive, and thorough as they possibly can for the children and the demands placed upon them. I am available (pretty much 24/7) to provide direction, discernment, supervision, and most of all to listen. Although I am no longer on the front lines so-to-speak, my heart breaks, I shed many tears, and say numerous prayers over the children we serve. I've increased my openness about my faith in my work environment and as a result have encountered several women who are fervent Christians. Our lives have been enriched as we share our faith-filled conversations and thoughts with each other. Although I experience many difficulties and frustrations. I leave at the end of most days feeling like I have made a difference in at least one child's life.

I am passionate about Erin, Bohdan, and our adoption. I love this woman more than I can ever express. I am grateful that she seems as passionate about our relationship as I am. In my busy, busy life, she is one of the only people I make time to communicate with regularly. Erin and I are into our 4th year of a friendship forged through a shared motherhood. Every day, my Heavenly Father confirms for me that this precious little guy is in the family he is supposed to be in. From afar, I love him, and do my best to love and support his mother as she faces the struggles and joys of parenting. My relationship with Erin has taught me about my character, dedication, compassion, and so much more. I dedicate time every year to create scrapbook pages for Bohdan so that he can see his brothers and sisters grow and keep abreast of their activities, likes / dislikes, and interests. Hopefully by the end of this year I will have completed the things I need to in order to start working with birth mothers again as they struggle their way through emotions, societal norms, family values, guilt, and make the decision to either keep or place their baby for adoption.

I am passionate about creating meaning out of paths my life and the lives of my children have taken as well as creating something tangible to represent that meaning. I utilize several avenues to accomplish this: quilting, scrapbooking, and artwork. Currently, I am working on a project for my daughter, Brianne, who is going to college next year. It is a scrapbooked collection of character-defining moments in her life, quotes, poems, thoughts, and excerpts from a variety of women about their lives. My desire was to provide my daughter with input from women other than myself about how they have handled different decisions, and what advice they would give, or thoughts they would share with a young woman as she discovers who she is. I wanted her to know there are many "right" paths. Maybe I could ask some of you too.

I am passionate about creating environments that are esthetically pleasing, calm, peaceful, efficient, clean, and organized.

I am passionate about off-roading in my Jeep. Anything I would do that requires I pack a cooler, maxed-out diaper bag, and Jeep full of supplies along with a 9mo. old, 2 yr. old and 7 yr old. for a 10 hour day of driving along muddy trails in 105 degrees equates to a passion.

All in all I found far more than what I thought I was looking for. I believe additional passions will reveal themselves with time and as my life circumstances change, but for now, I am peacefully passionately busy.

With Love--Stacy