Passions ... So many


Hi, Everyone,

I hope my little post will be a little interesting or at least help me make sense of my thoughts, passions, time and life in general . . .WOW . . . I'm probably already confusing everyone, but that's what you girls get for asking a non-American to post on an English speaking blog . . . :)
So . . . what was I saying? . . . yes . . . passions. I think I have a lot of passions in my life and I'm actually very glad and thankful that God gave me so many (though very surprised that He found room to put them all.)
I'm not going to bore you with all of them, since I am just going to mention three or five. In any case, I don't really have any time to do anything about my other passions for now anyways, other than just suffering in silence.
My first passion is - and I hope it will always be - God and His amazing plan for this world (which by the way, I am very happy that I don't have to actually understand, since that would bring a lot of frustration to my already very limited mind). I won't discuss this passion in detail here, but it plays many roles in my life in very intricate ways.
My major passion was added a few years ago, when my children showed up in my life, which had been pretty boring up to that point. They started showing up at the most unplanned and unwished for moments (from my earthly perspective). In the meanwhile, I humbly learned that their arrival was indeed perfectly timed. I'm still not passionate about cooking dinner for my family, or cleaning or other fun things like that, but I am very passionate about my kids and my husband. (Since I gave up trying to mold my husband I am left with the job of molding my two adorable children.)
I want to be able to show them the world the way it is, without painting it pink or lavender. This is a task where godly wisdom is highly needed, wanted and asked for (as often as I remember to ask for it). I want my children to see as much of the world as possible and understand that, in the times we live, there are really only a few boundaries between countries and continents, and those are mostly only on paper (in this case very important papers). What I mean is that I want my children to understand that most of their actions have a reaction someplace else in the world. That, for every “second” toy or sweater that they want, there will be less or none for others (I'm not saying that we are even entitled to the “first”, only that we are blessed with it). We are commanded to live responsibly and with great, caring hearts for other people. I think it is easier (though not easy) to just live responsibly than it is to live both responsibly and live with a caring heart for others. From my understanding, it takes a lot more sacrifice to do the latter. Anyway, I want my children to willingly chose to live with less and to give as much as they can to others (I need God to help me here since I personally fail at this a lot, but than again that is why we have God).
Living on less also means making very well informed decisions about where that “less” is coming from. I really want my children to be as un-materialistic as humanly possible. And this is where two of my other passions come in and those are poverty and the environment.
I strongly support trying to minimize poverty and taking care of the earth (which, incidentally, is more than capable of sustaining people all over the world if only we could stop abusing it for the sake of convenience). I think it's sad and aggravating to see how we as humans treat each other, and how easy it is to draw lines between us (the affluent) and them (the poor), especially when they are removed form our daily experiences. I am very interested in third world countries and in how our behavior (in both the first and second worlds) feeds the vicious cycle of poverty. (By the way, I do not consider Romania a poor country, merely one with a very unfortunate history that has left a sad mark on its people.)
Fighting poverty is not a passion that I can pursue as much as I want to, given the time restrictions applied by my previously mentioned passions (a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old to be more specific). But I try as much as I can to discourage exploitative behavior and to be thankful for all that God has given me without constantly wanting more just because there is the possibility of having more.
I think the world we live in is very black - a lot of that stemming from our sinful nature - and I want my kids to understand that, but I also want them to be able to see the beauty that still exists in the world thanks to our unfailing God (I bet you thought I can only see black). I want them to enjoy this life, but to enjoy it because they live it through God's eyes, and also because they see the greatness that awaits us beyond death. I think that there is hope and beauty in this world, but it is not in people, it is in God.
The beauty of seeing this world through God's eyes (as well as I can) is what makes me pick up a camera and shoot away (ok, financial needs do have something do with it, but I'm still trying to figure out how to actually make money with it...:) ). It is a blessing to be able to capture moments in time, in a way that will always move my heart (wow that sounded so cheesy). It is indeed a blessing for me to be able to try to make a living doing something that I love and that gives me the flexibility of investing time in my family as well.
I have other passions too, but if you want to know about those, you will have to ask me in person, because this is getting wayyyyyyyyyyy tooooooo loooooooooong.
As a conclusion, I pray that my kids will be better than me at keeping their eyes on God and eternity and that they will see the world for what it is and be willing to fight God's battles - and not their own - on this earth.
I pray the same thing for myself too. . . :)
Do I hear an AMIN . . . . . ? :)

Pursuing Passions

People have a tendency to label me as a “passionate person.” I have never really agreed with this label, I’ve only recognized the fact that people clearly know how opinionated I can be. I have never equated being passionate with being opinionated. To me, being passionate requires more than spouting off your beliefs to anyone who will listen. To base my passions on my opinions only produces a list so overwhelming I get exhausted at the thought of it. To legitimately call something a passion of mine requires more from me than just lip service. It requires action, dedication, commitment, and follow-through.

That being said, my alarming reality is one of very little passion. It’s true.

I am passionate about mothering. I spend the majority of my waking hours doing this. I have made countless sacrifices, read innumerable books on the subject and spend a significant amount of time discussing parenting with others. Even when I am in the process of active mothering, I am constantly assessing, evaluating and reflecting on this “ginormous” part of my life.

Every other passion I hold (or have held) pales in comparison, quite frankly.

I would like to say I am equally passionate about being a wife (especially striving for that Proverbs 31-impossible-to-meet-standard) but I know I don’t spend nearly as much time / thought / energy on this area of my life. Sadly, it certainly seems to come second.

No doubt I know I need to be passionate about God and that this really should be my first passion. But God is such an abstract concept in light of these two little people ready to demand more of me than I have to give at a moment’s notice. At best, God comes third. At worst, He is a bleep on my radar that I just don’t have time for.

I am passionate about health. I have spent a great deal of time exploring my own health and evaluating the care provided by medical professionals. Through my on-going struggles with infertility and chronic acne I have realized what I ultimately want is healing, which is rarely the goal of any health care professional I’ve met. I have come to a lot of conclusions about our culture’s approach to wellness and I have decided the common road is not for me. Instead, I spend a great deal of time reading and educating myself about alternative solutions and how to achieve true health and wellness.

I am passionate about making a difference in this world and have dreamed up countless ways to do this. However, I have come rather recently to realize the greatest way I can achieve this is through “training up my children in the way they should go.” It hasn’t been easy to admit this, because it requires a much delayed sense of gratification (or worse, never knowing the difference made at all) and it also requires swallowing a rather large pride – one that would rather have me center stage at a Billy Graham crusade or a Soul Fest – inspiring the multitudes with my words. But God is working on me – showing me the immeasurable importance of my task at hand – teaching my children so that they may teach their children and so on and so on, creating a legacy of God’s children that will last an eternity.

Lastly -

I am passionate about community. I don’t mean my town or my neighborhood. The New Testament word would be “fellowship.” I ache to experience the church of Acts in my life – faith-filled families meeting together in each other’s homes to study the Word of God together, to challenge and support each other, break bread together, share resources as each one needs, lovingly hold each other accountable to the commands of Scripture and be the Body of Christ. The tough part about this passion, no matter the reading I do on this vision, the time I dedicate to planning, thinking, dreaming, no matter the seriousness I take in approaching this topic – without other’s who share in this passion as passionately as I do, this passion turns into nothing but a dream.

This week, whether you are meeting with us or not, I would like to challenge you to consider the passions you have that are dependent upon criteria outside of your control. Is there anything you can do? Maybe, like me, you long for a new baby in your family – are you living as healthy a lifestyle possible to make sure your body, mind and emotions are ready to bring forth new life? Are you passionate about your marriage (but maybe your husband isn’t so much)? - are you focusing on trying to change him or are you honestly evaluating yourself, striving to be the best wife – the best “help mate” to him possible? Are you passionate about community or friendship, but find you lack a group who shares your vision or you lack that kindred spirit? Are you doing all you can to be ready, to be available, to be vulnerable and transparent, to reach out, even when other’s don’t seem to be reaching out to you? Are you living with right priorities? Are there more important matters being lost at the expense of pursuing another passion?

These are not easy questions to answer, at least, not for me.

If you are one of the lucky few who’s passions don’t depend on anyone (or anything) else, than I certainly hope you can say you are pursing them! If not, why not? What is stopping you?

I look forward to our discussions.

-Erin