Despicable Me*

I have a confession to make.  I've been happily married for almost 15 years to my soulmate and best friend.  I have been taught from a very young age about biblical marriage and have read countless times Ephesians 5:22-33 regarding how wives and husbands should act in marriage towards each other and the highly controversial issue of submission. I've read books such as Sacred Marriage: What if God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More than to Make Us Happy? and come away wholeheartedly believing in the thoughts behind the message of marriage being a training ground for us in innumerable ways.  If you had asked me what I thought about submitting to my husband and obeying him, I'd have told you I was for it.  I have no excuse.  Yet I'm embarrassed to admit I just now got it.  By that, I don't mean I've arrived to a complete understanding and state of perfection in my attitude and actions in marriage.  I mean that it just sunk in. 

I have had no major complaints in my marriage and have always thought it was a marriage made in heaven.  My husband is handsome, easy-going, humorous and altogether wonderful.  Our arguments, which are very few and far between, are typically delivered in a rational, logical manner and are resolved fairly quickly.  Our faults are not highlighted by each other and for the most part easily forgiven.  We sincerely enjoy each other's company and look forward to growing old together.  But all that was right in my marriage could not erase the wrong in my heart.  After all these many years of blissful matrimony, I find myself back at square one realizing I've had it all wrong.  It was all about ME!!!  It was ME being trained to be a better wife, ME learning how to be a better parent, ME realizing what a good Christian is, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME!!!!!!!!1 

The last few years have found me struggling with my own pride.  I spent almost two years earnestly praying for God to deal with my pride (but gently please!) and teach me how to not be so prideful.  I literally didn't even know how to kill my own pride!  The Lord taught me the key was in turning my eyes outward.  When I was focused solely on myself, vital lessons were only "learned" internally.  I have found a lesson is worth nothing if it can't be seen and acted on outwardly.

¹If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ²If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.  I Corinthians 13:1-3

Marriage and parenthood can certainly teach us amazing lessons in humility, sacrifice, love and submission, IF one lets it.  Most Christians are aware of the concept of all that we do, doing it unto the Lord.  Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. ~Colossians 3:22-24

It's easy to think of working at our jobs, staying committed in our marriage, raising our children and cleaning our house for the Lord.  But my questions is, c an we do it for our husbands?  Are we willing to actually accomplish these tasks set before us for the sake of our husbands?  This is what submission is to me: doing my utmost best in everything set before me for the sake and love of my husband and setting everything of mine (including my work, ministry, duty, etc.) under his authority/control.  I'm ashamed to say this never occurred to me.  To do it for the Lord?  Sure!  To do it for myself?  Of course!  But to do it for my husband??  What?! 

I have found a renewed energy and motivation in doing what I need to do in my marriage, in parenting and in my homemaking.  When I can do what I do for my husband (and not for myself), I am doing it for the Lord.  My shocking revelation (though it really shouldn't be shocking to me) is this: unless I know how to submit to my husband, it is quite impossible to submit myself to the Lord. 


* Not associated with the movie of the same name but fitting for my post's title. :)
1. Another post where I've struggled about ME was here.

Same Hats, New Heart

I didn't want to wear a hat this past Sunday. In fact, I didn't even want to go to church. I simply didn't feel like it. We've been attending a home church on Saturday nights and then going to a more traditional church service on Sunday mornings, so I had every justifiable reason to stay home. I had already gone to church last night. It was raining. I was tired. I was completely hormonally justified to stay in bed for the day. I didn't like going to the more traditional service. I wondered if God was finally telling me I didn't need to wear the hats anymore.

I never spoke a word of any of this to David. Never allowed a sigh to escape or an attitude to slip. I prayed for strength, for wisdom and discernment. I got up. I got dressed. I donned my covering. I sat at my husband's side and humbly thanked God for the lessons and blessings He keeps pouring forth over me as I continue to learn what submission to my man and to my Maker looks like.

I have spent the last few months being shown, graciously but bitterly, how horridly I have always fought against the lordship of my husband and the kingship of my God. And even as I have cried out, "Lord, have mercy on your daughter!" He has proven Faithful and True and Loving and Kind. I am in awe. I am so unworthy.

I am just beginning to see what submission looks like. Here are some glimpses I have been granted:

• Keeping silent when my husband complains about something.
• Removing his complaint by addressing his need.
• Refusing to point out I have done just that.
• Allowing him to decide, even if I don't like the decision.
• Keeping silent when he corrects or disciplines the children.
• When he isn't present, speaking as his representative to the children in moments of correction and discipline.
• Refusing to speak ill of him. Ever.
• Seeing what matters to him and making sure it gets done (a nice dinner, a clean house, a well-groomed wife, etc.)
• Never, ever raising my voice at him.
• Allowing God to direct him in the ways of our family, instead of suggesting we should do things my way (i.e. which church we should attend, how educating our children should look, what we should do on the weekend, etc.)
• Noticing what troubles him and making darn well sure it ain't me.
• Noticing what troubles him and doing something to help solve the problem (i.e. finances, work around the house, relationships with others, etc.)
• Loving him and serving him, even when I don't feel like it and doing my darnedest not to let him know I don't feel like it.
  

Ladies. If you don't know me, you don't understand the miracle of this list. If you do know me - you BETTER see it. You better know, and I mean KNOW - deep in your gut - how uncharacteristic of me any. single. one. of those actions is. The Lord is changing me. The Lord is reshaping me. The Lord is breaking me.

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. - John 15:13.

I suppose this is what I am ultimately coming to. That I would lay down my life, my pride, my desires, my way, my control, my opinion, my independence, my selfishness, my power, my all for not just "a friend." My best friend. My husband.

There are blessings. There are unimaginable outpourings of God's grace and God's spirit and God's power to those who will humbly submit themselves to Him. Perhaps sometime I will write about a few God has given to me. But I think these are so specific, so tailor-made just for me, that perhaps you would fail to see them for the miraculous gifts they are. So don't wait for my version. Go experience it for yourself.

I remain (faithfully continuing to wear the hats) -
Wife of David, Child of God