Resolution Update

So now that it's the end of January, you may wonder how my new year's resolutions are going. So am I... I feel like I'm still in the process of working them out - after all, intentionality is certainly not an overnight process. I fear my resolution may take until the next new year! But I will update you on my progress, and the accountability may help me as well.

I have been spending less time on the internet, but I don't know if it's because I have less time to give it right now or because of actual intentionality on my part. There have certainly been times when all I've wanted to do is check my email or look up something or other but instead chose to walk by the computer and spend time with my kids, clean or cook, or fulfill some such duty that's listed under the vast responsibilities of Wife, Mother and Homemaker. I guess you could call that intentional on my part so... yeah for me!

I've picked up my most favorite Bible commentary and started reading it again at night, helping me to get back on track with a nightly devotion time. I feel like it's an accomplishment that I just finished the 'dry' book of Numbers (though not so dry when explained by my commentary - that's why I love it so!) and am now on to Deuteronomy. I'm also psyched that my weekly women's Bible study has started up again. I'm excited to be studying Beth Moore's new Esther study, and I believe this will get me into the Word more than anything right now. Past experience with Beth Moore studies have shown me that they're intense studies but are so worth the personal time and energy to get through them and see what God has in store for me and how He'll work in my life.

As far as resolution #3 - becoming intentional in my life with my duties as a homemaker, parent, teacher and wife - that's been a tough one too. Not only have I been dealing with sick children in the house, lack of sleep and cabin fever (thanks to the 4 feet of snow out my front door!), I've also just added one more body to the mix by starting care for my friend's newborn baby. I've got a lot on my plate, but I feel if I can get organized and better at meal planning, homeschooling, etc., this will make life easier in the long run. One of my dear friends pointed me to an intentional planner online which I quickly bought and downloaded as I feel I need all the help I can get. I'm still in the process of tweaking it and applying it to my daily life, but there is hope. There is always hope!

My prayer life falls last, but certainly not least, on my list of resolutions. In the past, I'd been pretty good at conversing with God throughout the day as one would carry on a coversation with a friend/parent. But as each gift from God (in the form of a little babe) would arrive on our doorstep, it got harder to communicate with anybody in flesh and blood, never mind, in the spirit. I feel I always have an awareness of God and His presence in my life, but frankly, my prayer life could use a makeover. Harkening back to the blog I spoke of in my last entry (the "reckless experiment with prayer" blog), I was inspired by the idea of structuring my schedule around my prayer times. Now I haven't been successful at this at all, however I have stumbled upon the Catholic website Universalis which gives each day's Liturgy of the Hours. This has been helpful in making me more aware of giving my prayer life more structure and routine, and it certainly hasn't done any harm in that I'm methodically going through the Psalms each day (well, at least the days I remember to do it). Not being Catholic, I can still appreciate the well-intentioned custom of worshipping God morning, noon and night with beautiful hymns, psalms and verses as well as the benedictions of various saints.

Becoming intentional is the single hardest discipline I can think of because essentially it's all about becoming disciplined in discipline. It's like saying I'm going to try to become a more positive person by being happier more often. I guess it's also like saying I'm going to try to be a better Christian by not being such a sinner. Without God, this is impossible; with Him, we as sinners become saints and the undisciplined become disciplined. Lord, I'm going to need a lot of help this year!

Happy New Year

As the New Year arrives, I look back and recognize another year of just trying to keep up, just trying to survive, just barely scraping by. With Landon being my fourth child, I've come to allow myself a little leeway in "the year after" characterized by no motivation, a messy house, disorganization, projects gone by the wayside, lack of any menu planning, and bypassing other nice "comforts" all for the hopes of trading it in for the basic essentials of sleeping, eating, nurturing (others that is) and the most important, sanity. But now that my baby's no longer an infant (can you believe it?), and a new year starts tomorrow, I am filled with new resolutions.

A friend and I have been trading emails recently on the subject of intentionality. We've mostly focused on discipline, but in parenting, and I would add all of life, intentionality is key. It's hard to be intentional in many things, never mind everything. It requires a steadfast awareness of your life and all that you're putting your hands to and all that your mind thinks. On a day-to-day or even minute-to-minute basis, it's near impossible to have that kind of focus all the time. I fear though that we (and most especially me in this past year) have lost all focus and have given up intentionality in our lives.

in-ten-tion, -noun:
1. an act or instance of determining mentally upon some action or result
2. the end or object intended; purpose
3. intentions,
a. purpose or attitude toward the effect of one's actions or conduct
b. purpose or attitude with respect to marriage

Dictionary.com (from which the above definition is taken from) has eight different definitions for the word intention including meaning or significance and an interesting last one: the person or thing meant to benefit from a prayer or religious offering. All that to say, living with intentionality means living with purpose. No more living reactively, but actively living. I'm sure some of you have heard about Erin's resolution to blog each day for the next 40 days. She is blogging on the verses she reads each day and what they mean to her in her life in the here and now. This creates a keener sense of awareness, not only in feeding on the Word of God but in seeing how it applies to her life right now. I invite you to check it out.

Living with intention means consciously knowing your thoughts and understanding your actions. It's seeing where your energy is directed and how your money is spent. Living intentionally has the potential to eliminate bad habits, wasted time, lazy parenting and poor stewardship. It's about living a disciplined life.

The disciplined life is certainly something everybody should strive for, but when you're knee-deep in laundry, toys and dirty diapers and your to-do list is longer than Santa's Naughty or Nice list, it's hard to see where discipline comes in except for the occasional time-out or other behavioral management tactics. But discipline comes after deciding to be intentional and is the action of being intentional. We all know the saying, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." It takes more than intentions to live a life with purpose; discipline is what follows intention.

So how will discipline help me in this new year? Back to my resolution... Becoming more intentional in my living. This will require a new diet for my soul. Though I look at myself in the mirror and see the need for a physical diet, I want to go deeper and change my daily nourishment in more significant ways. First, my media consumption needs to be stemmed. For me, this means less internet - it is my foremost addiction and time-waster. I am a voracious researcher, and the internet is my personal library, and thanks to email and facebook, it is also a big part of my social network. This is not altogether a bad thing, but if I don't have discipline over this area of my life, more important things fall by the wayside all in the name of research or faux socialization. Second, my quiet time will become more consistent; my nightly choice of reading will begin with the Bible as opposed to my historical novels or "brain candy." Plugging into the omnipotent, omniscient Power (no, I'm not talking about the world wide web) is the best and only thing I can do in becoming more intentional. "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith..."* Third, becoming intentional in my life includes my duties as a homemaker, parent, teacher and wife. More consistent meal planning, home organization and in-depth homeschooling are goals of mine in the coming year. This includes much more focused time with the children, concentrating on bonding opportunities. I also look forward to more date nights out with my hubby! Fourth, my prayer life needs a boost desperately, and I am determined that my day will have set times where I take the time to sit and pray. I was inspired by this blog posting and am hoping to have the kind of discipline/reminders this blogger refers to in structuring her routine around her prayer times. The first thing that comes to my mind when I read her "reckless experiment with prayer" is, "That is sooo not me!" I'm not Catholic, I'm not Orthodox, I'm not Muslim and I'm not Jewish - and I'm jealous. Each of these religions have built-in times of prayer throughout the day - calls to prayer which help remind the masses or body of Christ to stop what they're doing and worship God. I'm not sure how I'll do it - I don't have a big church bell reminding me to pray, and our town doesn't have a loudspeaker for all to hear the call to prayer. I'm not meaning to get legalistic about it - I do believe and experience the prompting of the Holy Spirit to communicate with God, but like everything else in my life, I'm craving some sort of structure. And if it starts out or becomes rote, then so be it. At least, I will have talked to God more in each one of my days than my usual week.

Now I know I will not remain intentional through every precious second of this coming year. I will have my lazy days, my sick days, my tired days, and my "I-just-don't-want-to" days - there will be plenty of those! I will fail as a mother, wife and friend in the new year. I will not be the kind of Christian I want to be, and God will not always be proud of me. But a resolution is just that: a decision meant to spur us to action; to transform in little or big ways so our lives become changed, hopefully for the better.


*Hebrews 12:2a