Happy Humble, Serving, Joyful, Devoted, Contented Day! I mean, Happy Mother's Day!

Oh, boy, do I need this reminder! I would sum up my thoughts and feelings about this article here except that you just have to read it for yourself and see if you relate to any of it. I know I do! Oh, and before you start, Happy Mother's Day!

I heard it all over Facebook and Twitter and in phone calls last year. The disappointment.

The flowers that didn’t come, the cards that were forgotten, the breakfast that was a disaster and that you had to clean up while everyone else was watching football.

The house that wasn’t quiet or clean or tidied up. The getting to sleep in that didn’t happen, the nap that evaporated into a toddler’s meltdown, the meal that someone else didn’t prepare. The laundry that wasn’t folded for you.

The kids that didn’t call, the sermon that wasn’t about mothers, the grand kids who didn’t visit.

I heard it again and again in so many different, disappointed, let down ways – how this one day can’t possibly live up to what it means to mother.

How 24 hours can’t possibly hold the measure of a lifetime of laying oneself low for the loving and raising and wrangling of tiny humans.

Why do we think it will? I ask myself this every year after the inevitable disappointment.

But we do. We expect.

We expect so big and so hard and with so much pre-programming that we don’t know how to turn the expectations off. 

- See more at: http://lisajobaker.com/2014/05/how-not-to-be-disappointed-this-mothers-day/#sthash.08Ex9eZv.dpuf

You Are Here

It's been a long while.  A long time since I've written on this blog.  A long while that I've had time to even think about writing or reading a blog.  My life is so busy right now, and I'm just now getting an inkling as to what everyone-else-I've-ever-looked-at-cross-eyed-because-they-were-too-busy-to-live-life feels like. I know this is a temporary season, but it's the season I'm smack-dab in the middle of right now.  The frenetic schedule and energy needed for it is actually quite addicting as life is constantly changing around me in a swirling frenzy.

Knee-deep in homeschooling while simultaneously getting one of my children off to school and picked up every day is an interesting dichotomy for us.  Living in this tiny house with too many bodies wears thin and seems to become more suffocating with each year that passes. But I'm finding joy and contentment in the little things, if you can call them 'little'.  Sending my kindergartner to school has had surprising results like making me again feel connected to this unbelievable community I was so recently ready to pack up and move away from without a second thought. (We really do live in one of the best towns in the whole of NH, in my humble opinion.)  Meeting new people in our neighborhood due to various circumstances has made me actually cherish our previously-loathed location on our "fixer-upper" street surrounded by lovely (i.e. well-to-do) houses in the historic district of town.  Yes, we literally live on the wrong side of the tracks.  In a neighborhood where the most common vernacular consists of four-letter words and where heavy metal/rap is the preferred music carried on the wind, we have recently heard worship music belted out of our next door neighbor's window.  I believe that is a definite first.

God's way can be a tough way, a narrow way, a hard-to-swallow way, but it is always a way full of Hope.  I know God is with us, and He will not abandon or forsake us in this little house on this little street.  Because no matter the issues we have with this house, He is here.  Living among us.  And from the beginning of our house hunting, I've always said that I would rather stay here with Him forever than move forward without Him.

But.  It is still sometimes so hard.

I feel stretched at times in trying to keep house, never mind fitting everyone into this house.  I'm seriously starting to feel like the old woman who lived in a shoe with her ten children.  My creativity has reached its limits with storage solutions, and my children sleep on mats on the floor because there is no room for beds.  And yet, He is here.  Our back yard is perfect for our toddler but not so much for three bigger boys who want to roam and run and play ball.  We have two tiny closets in the entire house to hold seven people's clothes.  Yet He is here and whispers that we have too many clothes.  Our fridge is a fairly small one in order to fit in the space allotted for it and so come winter, we sigh with relief that we can use our grill outside to hold food.  Yet He reminds us we are lucky to have so much food.  When it's laundry day and my kitchen and living room is full of clothes because our washing machine and dryer openly reside in our kitchen, my God reminds me that my neighbors still have to run to the laundromat a mile or two away in order to wash their clothes.  When I look at our house and see all the S-T-U-F-F we have (even after our many purges), I ask myself whom I'm serving - God or Mammon?  And He gently reminds me He's better than all this stuff. He's better than any house anywhere.  He is here.

So if I were to look at one of those maps that indicates "You Are Here" and be tempted to think "But I don't want to be here!", I would be remiss to not take notice of the fine print that says "God Is Here".  And why would I ever want to move away from that very spot?  When God moves, we'll move.

God's way is a hopeful way.  God help me to remember that every time I trip over my laundry or my children!

Inquiring Minds Want to Know

Wow, has it been hard to do anything online lately, never mind blog! I've lacked the time, energy and motivation to keep up here, and I marvel at those writers whose blogs I follow where they are able to blog a couple times a week - kudos to you faithful bloggers out there! Most of the blogs I tend to check out on a semi-regular basis are written by moms with young children, homeschool and have a daily active spiritual life - who can do that?!? If nothing else though, they help to inspire me and help keep me focused on what's important.

After a very long and continually sick winter, it's amazing how much illness can change my outlook on life. It's hard to feel fulfilled in my role as wife and mother when I just don't have the energy to accomplish much during the day. Depending on others is tough to do when it seems like a constant thing and threatens to turn one into feeling like a "charity case." Feeling sick all the time creates guilt and places a strain on the marriage because it doesn't allow space for others (like my husband) to feel needy.

I finally had a couple of weeks of good health, and all of a sudden, life became more manageable, more than just tolerable. I was more energetic, and the house started to look like a home more than a pig sty. My children finally got to eat more than hots dogs, chicken nuggets and frozen pizza (much to their chagrin). I was checking out Flylady everyday and seeing how I could "bless my house". Life was looking up, and nature was singing. Hope springs eternal, right?

Then allergy season took over...

(x%^$#%@*! &^%$*#@? %#@<*! %#$@*&^! %*#&@^%!!) Though these may look like swears, it's just my brain screaming while drugged up on allergy meds...either that or it's some algebraic equation that my befuddled brain just created.

And I just want to know the secret to being content in all things.

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13

I'm hoping this secret Paul's talking about isn't too hard to find out. Maybe the secret is contained in the last sentence, "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Strength is definitely something I've been lacking, and at this point I can't do anything through my own pathetic power. So trying to cowboy up and getting over my cranky, lethargic attitude naturally hasn't been working for me. Maybe I'll try the supernatural route again and give my day over to God again and see what happens. Maybe the baby will magically stop whining and crying all day long over his teething pain, the boys will behave angelically and my allergies will suddenly disappear. Then again maybe I can get through the baby's incessant whining by God's grace, the boys' sibling squabbles by God's grace and this season's fatigue, itchy eyes/runny nose and nausea by God's grace. Truly living by God's grace makes me feel very small and powerless which is what I keep discovering I am anyway.