It Takes a Village? Yes, Yes, It Does!

I know I don't write much on this blog site anymore, but I saw this post and it just screamed KAJIJIS! Anyway, when I read this, it literally brought tears to my eyes because of the stark truth in it along with the realization that this is what Kajiji Girls was all about. Life goes on and some things can't go on forever, BUT the needs go on as well and if we don't meet them, we starve and everyone around us suffers. I miss all of you so much and hope we can connect again soon! Enjoy!!

Every day I go about my life: drive my children to and fro, make breakfast, lunch and dinner, and change my baby's diapers in my four-walled house while the world buzzes around me busy and fast. My little plays on the floor and I watch him pluck toy after toy out of the large box in the corner of the room and although my life is rich with many things, I think about you because I miss the village.

I miss the village I never had. The one with mothers doing the washing side by side, clucking and laughing hysterically, tired in body but quick in spirit. We'd know each other so well: annoying one other from time to time, but never staying mad long because the truth is, we need each other.

The children would wake up early, as they tend to, and run outside, finding each other amongst the tall trees. They'd disappear into the field and forest for a day of play as we'd start our sacred work. We'd knead bread side by side, the littles at our feet, breasts, on our backs and in our arms. It would be impossible to tell whose children belonged to whom -- we'd all attend to the group of toddling wee ones, check on the deeply breathing babies, wave little hands off of our floured table, pinch cheeks and kiss boo-boos.

The days would be full of conversation as we expertly flexed a muscle that has since gone weak: the art of listening. Quiet empathy in lieu of passive judgement, and when called for, gentle, sincere advice. In our village, our members are our estate and we build them up.

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A Christian's Role

“The question “How can Christians be culturally relevant?” is redundant. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” wasn’t a temporary cultural need 2,000 years ago. Only Jesus can give the world what it needs, but often to show them the Designer and Author of Life we are too busy making sure that we fit in. Mother Theresa was out of this world because she was living for the next one. Can you say that?  Is the majority of your day spent making sure that this world knows who you are or is the majority of your day spent making sure that this world knows who Christ is? The gospel makes us culturally relevant because we know the answer to the question that every culture asks. We don’t need to remodel Jesus to make the salvation He offers appealing. Serving those around us as Christ did is all the relevance we need. Be culturally relevant by living out the answer to our culture’s most acute need: the need for The Savior. Appeal to this generation by dressing down your ego. Humble yourself to serve as the King of Kings served. Serve in a loving, practical way, getting your hands dirty.”1

A topic that keeps tumbling around in my brain and popping up in conversation recently has been Service.  Everyone who truly follows Christ feels led to serve in some way.  Whether you serve in your community, your church or your home, service opportunities are always before you.  What’s interesting for me though is how we label service.  For instance, because my family attends a house church, it’s much harder to see service opportunities, at least, on the face of things.  There are no sign-up sheets asking for teachers, nursery workers, musicians, etc.  There are no special collections taken for the poor, the unemployed, the widow or the regular offering to contribute toward all the expenses associated with running a charitable organization or church building.  I’m sure many people who have tried house church eventually leave feeling like there’s nothing for them to do or nowhere to give of themselves or their money, and God has placed some kind of cause or service on their heart so they must go somewhere to fulfill that role.  The point is God has placed service on every one of his follower’s hearts, and we are commanded to fill that role.

House church eliminates titles. And coming from a traditional church background, this can actually be very hard to deal with when you don’t know any other way.  When you know your role, you know your place.  Being a helper in the nursery helps one to understand how they are helping on a weekly or monthly basis.  It helps one to compartmentalize their service.  It may sound like I’m criticizing this, but truth be told, it helps one to see exactly where God is using them and how.  And that can be encouraging and uplifting.  But house church throws everyone and everything together into one big pot, stirs it together and forces one to figure out how to live life without the differentiations and compartmentalization between religion and daily life.  It is this melding of faith and works in my daily life that I sometimes stumble over.  How am I serving God?  When am I serving God?  Am I serving God enough?  Enough for what??

As a woman in a house church (or a small group Bible study), I run the risk of thinking that the only thing I can do is prepare food, serve it and clean up afterward.  I can validate my “role” by telling myself it’s important to be hospitable and make my home clean for guests, it's important to serve the food as it’s vital to the gathering that we share in the Lord’s meal when we come together, it’s important to keep the children quiet so others can pray, sing, worship in their own way and together as a group, etc.  It's not much different than a member of a traditional church telling themselves it's important to be involved in the music ministry so others can worship, in the children's ministry so the little ones can learn about God, in the mission board meetings so we can help spread the Word.  We tell these sorts of things to ourselves all the time; this can result in self-satisfaction in our own serving or we can feel like our service amounts to nothing and we must do more.  But no matter which side of the issue you fall on, it's vitally important to be listening to what God is telling us. 

Get.

Involved.

In.

People’s.

Lives.

One of the greatest acts of service I experienced was after the birth of my last baby.  One of my church family members, Vickie, came over every week to hold and rock the baby (as well as do laundry) so I could get a much-needed break from my high needs baby and get some things done.  Bless her heart that she chose to get her hands dirty and come give me some personal help!  I seriously don’t know what my mental state would be right now if she hadn’t come to the rescue.  True Christian ministry always consists of personal, relational, sometimes-dirty service.  I would go so far as to argue: if it’s not personal and relational, it’s not ministry.  Jesus’ ministry was always personal, and it was always relational.  Ministry is intimate, and I’m realizing the less comfortable I am with intimacy*, the less I’m able to be used by God.

* Intimacy  in·ti·ma·cy    [in-tuh-muh-see]  

1. the state of being intimate.  
2. a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.
3. a close association with or detailed knowledge or deep understanding of a place, subject, period of history, etc.: an intimacy with Japan.
4. an act or expression serving as a token of familiarity, affection, or the like: to allow the intimacy of using first names.
5. an amorously familiar act; liberty.

As the years go by, I am slowly realizing my service to God is a daily “getting-my-hands-dirty”, “loving-people-through-their-mess” while “accepting-help-with-my-own-dirt” kinda thing.  One doesn’t need a title to be serving God, and if you’re searching for a specific role to fill, it’s probably right in front of you existing in that woman you met at church last week or that neighbor you bumped into yesterday.  Even closer to home, it exists in your family.  Do they recognize your service to God in your love for them?  Showing God’s love, mercy and grace to your own spouse and children is a full-time ministry in and of itself.  Do NOT trivialize that!  God wants to use where we are whether that’s traditional church, house church or you don’t go to church.  He will take every opportunity we’re willing to give Him and bend it to His purpose.

Kajiji Girls is its own ministry, make no mistake about it.  We mirror the early church far more than most churches do these days, because it’s the daily living with each other and the loving each other that is representative of the early church.  Our acts of service to each other blesses us all enormously, but most importantly, it points the world to God and His amazing love for us and through us.  Every act of service you perform for another follower of Christ, for one who needs Christ, for the one you’re married to and for the one(s) you mother ministers not only to them but to yourself and mainly to God.

When you’re worried that you don’t have an official title, remember you are a royal priesthood (I Pet. 2:9).   Or if you’re looking for a role to sign up for, remember you are to carry one another’s burdens (Gal. 6:2). Or you're worried you're not out there fulfilling the Great Commission, remember your home is your mission field and your love for those around you is the greatest testimony to offer the world (John 13:35).  Just look at those around you right now.  Look at the people you walk by every day or the sisters-in-Christ you fellowship with every week.  Look...truly look...at the needs present in those people and see if you can meet them somehow.  

That is ministry, dear one.  

That is your role.

1. From an article contained in the latest Medi-share newsletter, In the World, Not of It by Hannah Foti, Marketing Coordinator

Resolution Update

So now that it's the end of January, you may wonder how my new year's resolutions are going. So am I... I feel like I'm still in the process of working them out - after all, intentionality is certainly not an overnight process. I fear my resolution may take until the next new year! But I will update you on my progress, and the accountability may help me as well.

I have been spending less time on the internet, but I don't know if it's because I have less time to give it right now or because of actual intentionality on my part. There have certainly been times when all I've wanted to do is check my email or look up something or other but instead chose to walk by the computer and spend time with my kids, clean or cook, or fulfill some such duty that's listed under the vast responsibilities of Wife, Mother and Homemaker. I guess you could call that intentional on my part so... yeah for me!

I've picked up my most favorite Bible commentary and started reading it again at night, helping me to get back on track with a nightly devotion time. I feel like it's an accomplishment that I just finished the 'dry' book of Numbers (though not so dry when explained by my commentary - that's why I love it so!) and am now on to Deuteronomy. I'm also psyched that my weekly women's Bible study has started up again. I'm excited to be studying Beth Moore's new Esther study, and I believe this will get me into the Word more than anything right now. Past experience with Beth Moore studies have shown me that they're intense studies but are so worth the personal time and energy to get through them and see what God has in store for me and how He'll work in my life.

As far as resolution #3 - becoming intentional in my life with my duties as a homemaker, parent, teacher and wife - that's been a tough one too. Not only have I been dealing with sick children in the house, lack of sleep and cabin fever (thanks to the 4 feet of snow out my front door!), I've also just added one more body to the mix by starting care for my friend's newborn baby. I've got a lot on my plate, but I feel if I can get organized and better at meal planning, homeschooling, etc., this will make life easier in the long run. One of my dear friends pointed me to an intentional planner online which I quickly bought and downloaded as I feel I need all the help I can get. I'm still in the process of tweaking it and applying it to my daily life, but there is hope. There is always hope!

My prayer life falls last, but certainly not least, on my list of resolutions. In the past, I'd been pretty good at conversing with God throughout the day as one would carry on a coversation with a friend/parent. But as each gift from God (in the form of a little babe) would arrive on our doorstep, it got harder to communicate with anybody in flesh and blood, never mind, in the spirit. I feel I always have an awareness of God and His presence in my life, but frankly, my prayer life could use a makeover. Harkening back to the blog I spoke of in my last entry (the "reckless experiment with prayer" blog), I was inspired by the idea of structuring my schedule around my prayer times. Now I haven't been successful at this at all, however I have stumbled upon the Catholic website Universalis which gives each day's Liturgy of the Hours. This has been helpful in making me more aware of giving my prayer life more structure and routine, and it certainly hasn't done any harm in that I'm methodically going through the Psalms each day (well, at least the days I remember to do it). Not being Catholic, I can still appreciate the well-intentioned custom of worshipping God morning, noon and night with beautiful hymns, psalms and verses as well as the benedictions of various saints.

Becoming intentional is the single hardest discipline I can think of because essentially it's all about becoming disciplined in discipline. It's like saying I'm going to try to become a more positive person by being happier more often. I guess it's also like saying I'm going to try to be a better Christian by not being such a sinner. Without God, this is impossible; with Him, we as sinners become saints and the undisciplined become disciplined. Lord, I'm going to need a lot of help this year!

Happy New Year

As the New Year arrives, I look back and recognize another year of just trying to keep up, just trying to survive, just barely scraping by. With Landon being my fourth child, I've come to allow myself a little leeway in "the year after" characterized by no motivation, a messy house, disorganization, projects gone by the wayside, lack of any menu planning, and bypassing other nice "comforts" all for the hopes of trading it in for the basic essentials of sleeping, eating, nurturing (others that is) and the most important, sanity. But now that my baby's no longer an infant (can you believe it?), and a new year starts tomorrow, I am filled with new resolutions.

A friend and I have been trading emails recently on the subject of intentionality. We've mostly focused on discipline, but in parenting, and I would add all of life, intentionality is key. It's hard to be intentional in many things, never mind everything. It requires a steadfast awareness of your life and all that you're putting your hands to and all that your mind thinks. On a day-to-day or even minute-to-minute basis, it's near impossible to have that kind of focus all the time. I fear though that we (and most especially me in this past year) have lost all focus and have given up intentionality in our lives.

in-ten-tion, -noun:
1. an act or instance of determining mentally upon some action or result
2. the end or object intended; purpose
3. intentions,
a. purpose or attitude toward the effect of one's actions or conduct
b. purpose or attitude with respect to marriage

Dictionary.com (from which the above definition is taken from) has eight different definitions for the word intention including meaning or significance and an interesting last one: the person or thing meant to benefit from a prayer or religious offering. All that to say, living with intentionality means living with purpose. No more living reactively, but actively living. I'm sure some of you have heard about Erin's resolution to blog each day for the next 40 days. She is blogging on the verses she reads each day and what they mean to her in her life in the here and now. This creates a keener sense of awareness, not only in feeding on the Word of God but in seeing how it applies to her life right now. I invite you to check it out.

Living with intention means consciously knowing your thoughts and understanding your actions. It's seeing where your energy is directed and how your money is spent. Living intentionally has the potential to eliminate bad habits, wasted time, lazy parenting and poor stewardship. It's about living a disciplined life.

The disciplined life is certainly something everybody should strive for, but when you're knee-deep in laundry, toys and dirty diapers and your to-do list is longer than Santa's Naughty or Nice list, it's hard to see where discipline comes in except for the occasional time-out or other behavioral management tactics. But discipline comes after deciding to be intentional and is the action of being intentional. We all know the saying, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." It takes more than intentions to live a life with purpose; discipline is what follows intention.

So how will discipline help me in this new year? Back to my resolution... Becoming more intentional in my living. This will require a new diet for my soul. Though I look at myself in the mirror and see the need for a physical diet, I want to go deeper and change my daily nourishment in more significant ways. First, my media consumption needs to be stemmed. For me, this means less internet - it is my foremost addiction and time-waster. I am a voracious researcher, and the internet is my personal library, and thanks to email and facebook, it is also a big part of my social network. This is not altogether a bad thing, but if I don't have discipline over this area of my life, more important things fall by the wayside all in the name of research or faux socialization. Second, my quiet time will become more consistent; my nightly choice of reading will begin with the Bible as opposed to my historical novels or "brain candy." Plugging into the omnipotent, omniscient Power (no, I'm not talking about the world wide web) is the best and only thing I can do in becoming more intentional. "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith..."* Third, becoming intentional in my life includes my duties as a homemaker, parent, teacher and wife. More consistent meal planning, home organization and in-depth homeschooling are goals of mine in the coming year. This includes much more focused time with the children, concentrating on bonding opportunities. I also look forward to more date nights out with my hubby! Fourth, my prayer life needs a boost desperately, and I am determined that my day will have set times where I take the time to sit and pray. I was inspired by this blog posting and am hoping to have the kind of discipline/reminders this blogger refers to in structuring her routine around her prayer times. The first thing that comes to my mind when I read her "reckless experiment with prayer" is, "That is sooo not me!" I'm not Catholic, I'm not Orthodox, I'm not Muslim and I'm not Jewish - and I'm jealous. Each of these religions have built-in times of prayer throughout the day - calls to prayer which help remind the masses or body of Christ to stop what they're doing and worship God. I'm not sure how I'll do it - I don't have a big church bell reminding me to pray, and our town doesn't have a loudspeaker for all to hear the call to prayer. I'm not meaning to get legalistic about it - I do believe and experience the prompting of the Holy Spirit to communicate with God, but like everything else in my life, I'm craving some sort of structure. And if it starts out or becomes rote, then so be it. At least, I will have talked to God more in each one of my days than my usual week.

Now I know I will not remain intentional through every precious second of this coming year. I will have my lazy days, my sick days, my tired days, and my "I-just-don't-want-to" days - there will be plenty of those! I will fail as a mother, wife and friend in the new year. I will not be the kind of Christian I want to be, and God will not always be proud of me. But a resolution is just that: a decision meant to spur us to action; to transform in little or big ways so our lives become changed, hopefully for the better.


*Hebrews 12:2a