Pagan {Christian} Parenting

Please go here and read this article RIGHT NOW! :)  It's called "How to Raise a Pagan Kid in a Christian Home".  It's phenomenal and will really prick your conscience if you're like the typical American Christian parent like me.  Here's an excerpt:

Do you teach your kids "be good because the Bible tells you to" or do you teach your kids that they will never be good without Christ’s offer of grace? There is a huge difference. One leads to moralism; the other leads to brokenness. One leads to self-righteousness; the other leads to a life that realizes that Christ is everything and that nothing else matters.   

Continue reading the post here....

Jon Bloom on the DesiringGod.org website writes an awesome post called "Don't Raise Good Kids" - a post where I can very much personally relate to the author's words. Making our children see the total depravity that is in them is key to making them see the need for Christ's grace and salvation in their life. Another great blog post I just read from Sally Clarkson is about training up your child (especially that difficult one that knows just how to push your buttons!) and recognizing the unique traits that irritate you now but may help them fulfill God's calling on their life later.

I sit here in the midst of these incredible teachings and can only pray for God to help me teach my children the gospel, not just good behavior!  Help me to reach their hearts for God, not create an external facade of righteousness!

Some resources I'm either reading right now or own that I feel are helpful toward this end are:

For Instructions in Righteousness (awesome reference guide to match Scripture with different character weaknesses - this company also provides many other excellent resources for Biblical character training)

Shepherding a Child's Heart (love this book but have yet to finish it)

Wise Words for Moms (very thin reference book with easy-to-use chart of verses to deal with specific offenses)

Don't Make Me Count to Three! (reading right now)

Teach Them Diligently: How to Use the Scriptures in Child Training (very good book about getting to the heart of your child's behavior and how to train up your child in the admonition of the Lord)

Grace-Based Parenting (looks good though I haven't read it and don't own it)

If you have any other suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments section below...

Motherhood is Not a Hobby

This one of the finest pieces I have ever read about Motherhood.  I just had to share it here:

Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.

Christian mothers carry their children in hostile territory. When you are in public with them, you are standing with, and defending, the objects of cultural dislike. You are publicly testifying that you value what God values, and that you refuse to value what the world values. You stand with the defenseless and in front of the needy. You represent everything that our culture hates, because you represent laying down your life for another—and laying down your life for another represents the gospel.

Our culture is simply afraid of death. Laying down your own life, in any way, is terrifying. Strangely, it is that fear that drives the abortion industry: fear that your dreams will die, that your future will die, that your freedom will die—and trying to escape that death by running into the arms of death.

Please continue on to the Desiring God website to read from the beginning...

How You Call It...

Married With(out) Children

Is marriage without children really the key to bliss?  This article states it as scientifically so.  And if you are childless by choice, there's a number of resources out there including websites, books and DVDs to support your decision.  However if you are already a parent, it's pretty safe to say that you couldn't and wouldn't want to imagine life without your children.  But we all now live in a time technologically-speaking where one could choose to marry and live their life without welcoming children into it.  This is a brave new world where we are given that choice - before now, forget about it:  if you had relations, you risked pregnancy.  Big time.  And the mere possibility of children always existed.  But the idea of not wanting children is not a new one and was even mentioned in the Old Testament (by the way, God killed him for that choice - ouch, Onan!).  So will God put you to death if you decide to have a childless marriage?  Of course not, however I think it's crucial to understand something. God, as the Creator of all things, also created the institution of marriage and family.  When God sets a design in motion, it's to our benefit to follow that design.

From the Making Home blog:
God's first command to the first man and woman was to "be fruitful and multiply". Children were an intrinsic part of the original *design* of marriage. Children are repeatedly called "blessings" and conversely, childlessness was always taken by biblical characters to be a curse, never a good thing. Jesus Himself modeled a receptive attitude towards ALL children when He chastised his disciples and said "let all the little children come to me." And these are just some examples off of the top of my head.

There is nothing in Scripture that remotely comes close to "well, it seems wrong to deny a person something GOOD just because she's not keen on following God's design". Rather, what we see over and over again in Scripture is the idea of taking up one's cross and submitting yourself to the will of the Father. A focus on personal "happiness" or "fulfillment" isn't ours to focus on... abundant life comes from following the will of God.

I have to admit (and I'm not proud of this) when I cross paths with a married couple who has no desire for a child, I become immediately suspicious.  In my heart, I am guilty of judging them as selfish, focused on their own goals in life, the careers they want to build, the fun things they want to do in life.  The casting off of the responsibility of children is one practice I just can't understand (and yes, I fully comprehend that when we do not understand something, it is hard for us to not judge or mock or any number of things that get us into hot water).  So God forgive me for being judgmental and I pray He gives me His heart instead.  However those few times when I glimpse His heart in that kind of situation, I feel sadness.  Sadness at the lost opportunities, the lost lessons and the lost legacies.  I mentally picture their genealogical tree abruptly ending - no more family name passing on to the next generation. No children to help care for them in their old age.  No Thanksgiving dinner table filled with joyful noise made by children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren .

"Imagine a scenario where, on a Sunday afternoon, you sit idly for interminable hours slumped in your wheelchair in the tiny and stifling nursing home bedroom, which, due to overcrowding, you share with a cantankerous roommate. (Thank heaven she’s in the lounge for her weekly visit with her family!)

You think wistfully of your husband, now long departed. You begin to cry and your nose starts to run. You’d like a tissue, but you are tired and haven’t the strength to wheel yourself to the bedside table. Your diaper is wet, but you know the aide won’t be around for another 45 minutes. You know it is pointless to call for help; the home is chronically understaffed (you’re not sure why).

Enjoy the silence, the blissful quietude as you remember being part of a committed and adoring couple — without kids."1

Please understand this is not directed at those couples who can't have children, who have tried to have children, who have decided to wait just a bit before having children, etc*.  I'm talking about willful childlessness.  I am also definitely not saying for us all to be like the Duggar family and have as many children as your body will bear.  Or that a certain number is the right number for you to have.  Or that you can't use some form of birth control or family planning.  I can't even say that I fully agree everyone should have children.  What I am saying is for a Christian couple to deny the natural order of life ("first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage") is to deny the design God put in place for us.

Al Mohler, president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, has this to say:

Christians must recognize that this rebellion against parenthood represents nothing less than an absolute revolt against God's design. The Scripture points to barrenness as a great curse and children as a divine gift. The Psalmist declared: "Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; they will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate." [Psalm 127: 3-5] 

Morally speaking, the epidemic in this regard has nothing to do with those married couples who desire children but are for any reason unable to have them, but in those who are fully capable of having children but reject this intrusion in their lifestyle.

He also states:

The Scripture does not even envision married couples who choose not to have children. The shocking reality is that some Christians have bought into this lifestyle and claim childlessness as a legitimate option. The rise of modern contraceptives has made this technologically possible. But the fact remains that though childlessness may be made possible by the contraceptive revolution, it remains a form of rebellion against God's design and order. 

Couples are not given the option of chosen childlessness in the biblical revelation. To the contrary, we are commanded to receive children with joy as God's gifts, and to raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. We are to find many of our deepest joys and satisfactions in the raising of children within the context of the family. Those who reject children want to have the joys of sex and marital companionship without the responsibilities of parenthood. They rely on others to produce and sustain the generations to come.


For Christians, having children opens our eyes in a way we cannot do otherwise to the role of God as our Father.  When I had my first child, I became aware of the love that our Abba has for us and some of the same emotions we must share as parents.  This is a priceless lesson to learn and can teach us so much about Him and who He is.  Just as marriage can yield so many lessons in how Christ loves His bride, the Church, parenthood teaches us who our Father in heaven is, why He disciplines us and how much He truly adores us.  Like marriage, parenthood can be an opportunity to learn holiness, more than happiness.  There is nothing in life to teach one sacrificial love like the love learned in a family - of a wife toward her husband, of a parent towards a child.

Mr. Mohler goes on to say:

This epidemic of chosen childlessness will not be corrected by secular rethinking. In an effort to separate the pleasure of sex from the power of procreation, modern Americans think that sex totally free from constraint or conception is their right. Children, of course, do represent a serious constraint on the life of parents. Parenthood is not a hobby, but represents one of the most crucial opportunities for the making of saints found in this life.

Two purposes among many as to God's design of the family are so we can understand and love Him better and so we can become more like Him.

One last word from Al:

The church should insist that the biblical formula calls for adulthood to mean marriage and marriage to mean children. This reminds us of our responsibility to raise boys to be husbands and fathers and girls to be wives and mothers. God’s glory is seen in this, for the family is a critical arena where the glory of God is either displayed or denied. It is just as simple as that.

*I know there are always unique circumstances when a couple may decide against having children due to illness/handicaps, genetic factors, history of abuse, etc.  Those are the exceptions, I believe, and that decision must be made between a husband and wife along with their God.

** Click on link to read Al Mohler's blog post titled Deliberate Childlessness: Moral Rebellion with a New Face in its entirety as well as his follow-up Yikes!  The Hot Debate Over Deliberate Childlessness

1. From the article: Childless by Choice: A Decision You May Live To Regret.  This is a *must* read!

"Awake, my glory!"

I'm about to run into the shower so I can be ready for our weekly Kajiji Girl gathering, however I could not let this article go by without immediately posting.  If you are the mother of a boy or simply the wife of a man (or consider yourself to be part of the species classified as homo sapiens), you really must read this!  As the mother of four boys (ahhhh!), this topic weighs on me constantly.  Knowing how lust is shoved in our children's faces every day in every imaginable way makes our job as protectors of their heart and trainer of their mind so incredibly difficult.  I just keep reminding myself of my new favorite verse as a homeschooler:

All your sons will be taught by the Lord, and great will be your children's peace.  ~Isaiah 54:13

Just this morning I was reading about David in the book of  I Chronicles, and it mentioned the Hebrew word for GLORY which is chabod.  Jon Courson defines it as "weighty, heavy".  Here the author notes it as kavod meaning "courage, honor".  Those two meanings are a wonderful way to think of God's glory upon and within us.

Hear No Evil See No Evil Speak No Evil Fine Art Print - William Meemken

How NOT to Help Your Son with Lust
by Cliff Graham

In my days as a youth pastor, the most frequent question I was asked about by mothers of boys was, "How do I help my son deal with lust?"

This question was frequently asked by the moms who were single. Dad had bailed on the family, so I can't really imagine how difficult and awkward it would have been for those moms to breach the subject with their sons.  If you are that mom, my heart goes out to you.  Truly.

Even if you live in a happy marriage and you have a husband who can help you navigate those seas, there is something I  must plead with you to understand about my gender.  Lust will always be a struggle for us.

Like any sin of the flesh, lust is a symptom of a larger problem.  That problem is when we have tried to replace the satisfaction of God with the satisfaction of something temporary.  In this life, that never goes away, regardless of the symptom.  

Continue reading here...

War

Sometimes I feel like I'm cheating if I post someone else's blog post here.  After all, shouldn't I try to come up with my own thoughts, words and lessons learned throughout my day/week?  Well, with the stage of parenting I'm in, sometimes I consider it a true miracle that I can even make sense of another's thoughts and lessons.  So without further ado, here is a phenomenal article about the spiritual battle we - and our children especially - face.

“We carry an insidious prosperity gospel around in our dark, little, entitled hearts.”  ~Matt Chandler- The Explicit Gospel (Crossway, 2012)

The Lord has brought this quote often to mind recently.  Perhaps it’s because I am still surprised and disappointed when things don’t come easy.  I want to believe that the “good” that God is working in my life is all about having happy times on this earth, rather than sanctification for the life to come.

My heart is, indeed, dark and entitled.

I see this tendency in my children, as well.  Truth be told, they learned many of their sinful ways from me.

It is tempting to raise my children in the type of fantasyland bubble that I crave for myself, in which their greatest trials involve choosing between vanilla or chocolate ice cream for dessert.  I would shield them from a bedrock truth about this life: that we are at war. 

Continue here to read the rest...

Mothers & Their Daughters

Just as we discussed showing respect for our sons in our last post, this post will direct you to show that same respect to our daughters coupled with the love they so desire.  I love that this article mentions more than once how important it is to have one's daughter voice her thoughts and emotions, how to find her voice (points #4 & 7). Our thought life as women is rich and complex so let's make sure we learn how to keep every thought captive to Christ and teach our daughters to do the same. 

Respect for daughters has its roots in the same place respect for sons does: the image-bearing equality that both sexes reflect given at creation (Gen. 1:27). That said, respect just looks different in some ways for daughters who are growing into women than respect for sons who are growing into men.

Respect is a deep admiration for someone elicited by his or her abilities, qualities, or achievements. This honor is not shown because of gender or deservedness but because of love and grace, specifically, love and grace that find their origins and power in Jesus Christ. Treating daughters with respect trains them to be women who offer respect to others. It models for them that they have dignity, value, and worth because God created them. It urges them to grace others with respect because God loves and values his creation.

Read the rest of the article here.

Boys Will Be Men

I just finished reading an article from the Resurgence website which is about how mothers should treat their sons.  And it. is. fantastic!  I can always rate an article great when it encourages me, convicts me and inspires new ideas for me all in the short time it takes to read it.  This is specifically about how mothers need to show respect to their sons early on so these boys who will one day be men (sooner than you think, dear mom!) will recognize proper respect when shown to them and find a godly woman who knows how to give it.

Here's the beginning of the post:

It is never too early to start showing that you respect your sons. I know as a young mom I was so concerned about discipline—when, where, why and how to discipline. I wanted this bundle of boy contained into a well-behaved, manageable package. Is that offense punishable by swat? Is he disrespecting me? Why is he so loud and messy? While those are fine questions to ask, looking back, I would rather have spent more time asking myself if I was treating my boys with respect.

My sons thrive in our relationship when respect is generously given. If I want them to look for a wife who respects them one day, I better demonstrate what that looks like now.

Please click here to read on...

A Parent's Love

It's been awhile since I've last posted - that'll happen to you with an 8-month-old high needs baby who doesn't sleep through the night yet!  However I've stumbled across yet another awesome short film from Ellerslie called Depraved Indifference.  I actually heard Eric Ludy give a similar message at the homeschool conference I attended a couple years ago - it was amazing.  Please watch and pray.

The #1 Mistake in Parenting

Out of all the many mistakes and out of all the things we as parents get wrong, you want to know what I think is the #1 error?  It's root rests in a little phrase I hear more than ever these days: "I just want my child to be healthy and happy. That's all that matters."  Think about that.  Really ponder it.  It doesn't seem so harmful now, does it?  Who doesn't want their child to be healthy and happy?  In fact, I would say, there has been given to us a responsibility from God to help our children stay as healthy as possible.  But happy?  When did that kernel of apostasy creep into our theology?  As Christian parents, our duty has never been to make our children happy, but rather to make them holy.  Of course, we can't make them anything - only God can.  And though it is within our nature as parents to always strive to keep our children happy, it has never and will never be my job to make my children happy above all.  My job as a parent is to show my children by words and deeds how to be godly.  Anything else and I will have effectively taken my children by their little hands and led them down a path of unrighteousness.

It is not only acceptable by society's standards these days, but rather strongly encouraged, that we all need to live lives of happiness.  I don't think I need to point out our society has become a very selfish one, marketing their selfish agenda on all us innately selfish beings, as if the concept of "deserving it all" is a unique one.  God may have first created mankind to be holy and happy, however with mankind's fall, we found ourselves born into a state of sin and misery.  This is the condition of our society today.  

Today's new mantra of "just be who you are and love it" is a confusing and erroneous concept yet it's a message constantly fed to us and our children.  It's not an unnatural idea to raise our children to be and accept "who they were born to be."   Lady Gaga's new song "Born This Way" illustrates a secular humanist philosophy wrapped up in positive self-esteem...

"There's nothin' wrong with lovin' who you are, 
She said, 'Cause He made you perfect, babe.  
So hold your head up, girl, and you, you'll go far.  
Listen to me when I say: 

I'm beautiful in my own way, 
'Cause God makes no mistakes.  
I'm on the right track baby, 
I was born this way.

Don't hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way, yeah."  

Don't get me wrong - I want my children to have good self-esteem and love themselves as God loves them.  I just want them to understand that self-worth comes from who they are in Christ, not in their "innate perfection" touted by secular humanists.  The Bible specifically says, "Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me."1  and "The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked: who can know it?"2  and "As it is written: “There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God.  All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one.” 3

If I see my child, by "being who they were born to be", choosing a path of ungodliness and Self, my job as a parent is to hold up a mirror of God's standards to help them change into who God wants them to be - which is like His Son - not what they want to be and not what I want them to be.  I, myself, am a work in progress and "I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in [me] will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."4  If I am directed to let God continually work in my life to become more like Him, I am directed to help Him continually work in my child's life as well.  "Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it."5  There is no mention of my child being born on the right path or letting them discover the right path by themselves.  It denotes a heavy responsibility to always steer them towards righteousness.

Helping our children recognize and choose God's standards of righteousness for their lives is not only key to my responsibility as their parent but essential to their ultimate joy in life . 

I don't know about you, but I want my children to receive their strength, their joy and their worth through the only One who can sufficiently give them, not looking within themselves to find something that was never there at birth nor can be found with maturity. The LORD is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. Psalm 28:7

In this season of sacrifice while we observe Lent and Good Friday, let us teach our child(ren) to "let him deny himself, and take up his cross and follow me.  For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it."6 

"The joy of the Lord is your strength."  Nehemiah 8:10

Note: I am not advocating self-contempt here and understand that one of the biggest issues/disorders we have today is the lack of self-esteem in our children and in ourselves.  I believe this comes from not knowing who we are in Christ and am simply urging us to find our worth in Christ, not in ourselves.  

P.S. I apologize for the excessive clip art I've inserted into this blog post, however I have to admit there were so many "Love Yourself" images, I had a hard time choosing which ones to use...plus it illustrates my point quite nicely.
1. Psalm 51:5
2. Jeremiah 17:9
3. Romans 3:10-12
4. Philippians 1:6
5. Proverbs 22:6
6. Matthew 16:24b-25

"1 Corinthians 13 for Homeschool Moms"

For those of us who homeschool and even for those who don't but still take the time to train their children at home and desire to "bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord"1, I thought this was a great reminder of the foundation we need to use in undergirding all of our training.

1 Corinthians 13 for Homeschool Moms

If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and teach my children Latin conjugations, Chinese and Portuguese, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal, and no matter what I say, they will not hear me.

If I have the gift of prophecy, and know my children’s bents and God’s plan for their lives, and know all mysteries and all knowledge, and am the keeper of the teacher’s editions and solutions manuals, and if I have all faith, so as to move mountains, and even keep up with my giant piles of laundry and dishes, but do not have love, I am nothing, even if all the people at church think I’m Supermom.

And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and my formal dining room gets turned into a schoolroom and our family vacations look more like educational fieldtrips, and if I surrender my body to be burned, never having time to get my nails done, put makeup on or even take a bath, but do not have love, it profits me nothing, because all my family cares about is the expression on my face, anyway.

Love is patient with the child who still can’t get double-digit subtraction with borrowing, and kind to the one who hasn’t turned in his research paper.  It is not jealous of moms with more, fewer, neater, more self-directed, better-behaved or smarter children.   

Love does not brag about homemade bread, book lists, or scholarships and is not arrogant about her lifestyle or curriculum choices.  It does not act unbecomingly or correct the children in front of their friends.  It does not seek its own, trying to squeeze in alone time when someone still needs help; it is not provoked when interrupted for the nineteenth time by a child, the phone, the doorbell or the dog; does not take into account a wrong suffered, even when no one compliments the dinner that took hours to make or the house that took so long to clean.

Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness or pointing out everyone else’s flaws, but rejoices with the truth and with every small step her children take in becoming more like Jesus, knowing it’s only by the grace of God when that occurs.

Love bears all things even while running on no sleep; believes all things, especially God’s promise to indwell and empower her, hopes all things, such as that she’ll actually complete the English curriculum this year and the kids will eventually graduate, endures all things, even questioning from strangers, worried relatives, and most of all, herself.

Love never fails.  And neither will she.  As long as she never, never, never gives up.

Misty Krasawski, December 8, 20082

1. Ephesians 6:4b
2. From Misty's website HomeschoolBlogger.com

Pondering All These Things

“So [the shepherds] hurried off and found Mary and Joseph and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.”₁

“When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, ‘Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you.’ ‘Why were you searching for me?’ he asked. ‘Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?’ But they did not understand what he was saying to them. Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart.”₂

In the Christmas story, we find that Mary pondered all the happenings during Christ’s birth and stored them in her heart. Many years later, once again, we find her pondering during Jesus’ pre-teen years. It seems there are no two better times to reflect on life than at the birth of and at the beginning of those hormonal pre-teen years of your child’s life! Yet at both these times, more than others it seems, chaos is ever-present. So why ponder?

Dictionary.com defines ponder as, “to consider something deeply and thoroughly; meditate or to weigh carefully in the mind; consider thoughtfully.”

While pondering can conjure up images of quiet stillness or contemplative space, it is more of a recognizing those “Aha! moments” in the ordinariness of life. To recognize these moments takes a certain amount of focus and attending to. This attention can come naturally at times and also become a discipline to practice.

We will be more disposed toward moments of extraordinary awe if we have been attending all along to wonder and awe in the ordinary. ~Herbert Anderson

“Attending all along.” Here, I think, is an active way of being that supports all the practices of faith and that is integral to good parenting. Yet so often we parents neglect this. On our way to pray, on our way to church, on our way to all the other places where we think God abides, we pass by the ordinary awe much too quickly. But greater openness and attentiveness, often sparked by caring for children, can come through the practice I call “pondering.”

Small children in particular are no strangers to awe, of course, but kids of all ages invite us into this experience. Attending all along to children means we adults are also permitted to see the truly awesome – not only to wonder at them, as fond parents readily do, but also to see and share their own wonder at the world. Children both catch our attention and reorient it. Being present to all the ways in which they are growing – to their focus and pursuits, their curiosity and capacities – also leads us to deeper faith. If attended to, if noticed, if pondered, the routine of caring for kids in ordinary time offers us ample opportunity for wonder, for entering as adults more deeply and alertly into the presence of God.

Of course, pondering doesn’t fit well within chaotic busy schedules, and sometimes we are forced to prioritize and scale down so that the holy has a chance to be. But even working within the chaos, we will miss so much if we are not aware of the moments worthy of treasuring in our hearts. Mary was a mother, and we know that role all too well. “…pondering ultimately involves accepting limits and realities that go beyond our understanding. Pondering includes attention, appreciation, and amazement to be sure; it embraces potential anguish too, an aspect of parenting hidden in Mary’s pondering to which we turn in the last chapter. For now, it is enough to recognize human limits in the care for others and the reality of failure and loss. Through her pondering, Mary becomes one of the first theologians of the Christian tradition, turning over and over in her mind just who this child is and what God has to do with it. She does so in the very midst of her mothering – not when she moves away from it all.”

The author ends with a story about a friend who is a pastor and a father bemoaning the fact that family devotions are not a tradition or habit in his family. He goes on to describe his daily life: “I come home midafternoon to be around when our two kids come home from school. My wife works until later in the day. We barely squeeze in dinner between her return, my evening meetings, and our kids’ activities.” Our conversation got cut off abruptly when one of his children ran up to pull him in another direction. Here’s what I wish I could have said. Although family prayer has its important place (I am not dismissing concern about its decline), prayer and scripture reading do not alone determine faith. Faith is not one more thing to check off the list. Family prayer; check. Bedtime prayer; check. Ritual for dead hamster; check. It is not something set aside outside regular time. It is what we do in time and space, with our bodies and through our movements. The practices of this man’s family – playing with the children after school, interacting around dinner, greeting and parting, attending and pondering – these practices are formative of faith. They train our eyes to see God amid change and time.

Family life is better than most any other thing going on in the universe. ~ Judith Viorst

Crystal

<sub>1. Luke 2:16-19
2. Luke 2:48-51</sub>

_{*All font in green is taken from Chapter 3 of In the Midst of Chaos by Bonnie Miller-McLemore.}

Sanctifying the Ordinary

In the last century, the Second Vatican Council affirmed household and general labor as a way to serve God.*

Think about that. Sanctifying the ordinary is a profound practice yet does not seem to hold up to the “holiness” of other practices such as Bible Study, taking part in communion or attending a church service. Yet the ordinary is the majority of our lives. To be unaware of the holiness of the mundane can only impede our spirituality. If God was only in the extraordinary moments of life, we would be a far more desperate and spiritually hungry people. And maybe that’s why some of us are famished – we fail to see God in the everyday tasks of our life.

The ordinary…is often the most significant for faith. Most of the time we miss it. It takes discipline to notice the distinctiveness of the ordinary. Moreover, to notice the theological nature of the ordinary, to connect the ordinary to the conviction of religious tradition, is even harder. It requires a particular kind of theological vision and valuing of the ordinary.

A monastic view of spirituality leads us to think that the disciplines practiced by priests, nuns and monks are the “higher order” of worship. Who can argue that self-denial, acts of service to others, renouncing worldly values, etc. are not the idealistic or even "correct" way of practicing our spirituality? To look at Jesus’ life is to see some of the hallmarks of monasticism. “If regarded from the right angle, a parent’s daily life has an oddly haunting resemblance. Unbidden and unexpected, opportunity arises for a similar kind of disciplined religiosity: ‘A full night’s sleep, time to oneself, the freedom to come and go as one pleases – all this must be given up…Huge chunks of life are laid down at the behest of infants. And then, later, parents must let go.’ Here, in a nutshell, is the life span and extremes of child rearing: loving, losing, and letting go.” The author states, “To see this daily regimen of care, restraint, self-extension, and craziness as part of a larger practice of faith, a means of learning patience, charity, endurance in fidelity, receptivity to the other, long suffering, and humility, sanctioned the work that filled my life and placed it in a new light."

The practice of parenting then becomes a practice in spirituality. While we give everything we have and who we are to these children of ours, they in turn help to shape us. Parenting is formative for both sides. Marriage and children are every bit as much a “school for character” or training ground for virtue as the monastery.

Parenting is about more than raising children in faith. It has the potential to foster religious transformation in the one who attempts such care. Engaging in the practice of parenting gives rise to new knowledge and a new way of being, not in sacred time and space but in the very concrete minutiae of life in all its messiness.

Is tending to your family a religious practice for you? We all practice our faith in various manners and traditions. Let us become more aware of our "faith acts" in our daily life and therefore become more aware of God and His presence.

When...our natural reason...takes a look at married life, she turns up her nose and says, 'Alas, must I rock the baby, wash its diapers, make its bed, smell its stench, stay up nights with it, take care of it when it cries, heal its rashes and sores, and on top of that care for my wife, provide for her, labor at my trade, take care of this and take care of that, do this and do that, endure this and endure that, and whatever else of bitterness and drudgery married life involves? What, should I make such a prisoner of myself [one hears echoes here of the Greek view of the body as a prison of the rational mind and soul]?

What then does Christian faith say to this? It opens its eyes, looks upon all these insignificant, distasteful, and despised duties in the Spirit, and is aware that they are all adorned with divine approval as with the costliest gold and jewels...I confess to thee that I am not worthy to rock the little babe or wash its diapers, or to be entrusted with the care of the child and its mother....O how gladly will I do so, though the duties should be even more insignificant and despised. Neither frost nor heat, neither drudgery or labor, will distress or dissuade me, for I am certain that it is thus pleasing in [God's] sight.

~Martin Luther

Crystal

*All text in green is quoted from the second chapter of In the Midst of Chaos by Bonnie J. Miller-McLemore

Everyday Spiritual Practices

We give birth and raise the young. We seek God. Why has loyalty to the former, such a potentially rich source of spiritual inspiration, seemed to impede, derail and compete with the latter? How might we sustain and adjudicate both these fundamental human needs?1

History seems to have taught us that a monastic way of spirituality (involving quiet reflection, solitude and retreat) is the ideal way of spirituality. Many early church theologians taught that marriage and “family life is inferior to the celibate life of religious heroes and saints.”₁ Do we still not think of our spiritual life (or lack of one) with guilt and regret when we can’t or don’t manage to put aside time to pray, read the Bible and get away from our busy daily lives to retreat into “the private inner room of the soul”₂ to seek out God?

“Christian perception of faith as something that happens outside ordinary time and within formal religious institutions, or within the private confines of one’s individual soul, still pervades Western society…
…twentieth-century theologians continue to look past the sheer messiness of daily family life. Similarly, disregard for the material basis of life continues to frustrate contemporary believers’ efforts to embrace their faith daily. Bias against “outward” forms of spirituality, as enacted by the body in the midst of family and community, marginalizes many Christians. Limiting spirituality to the “inner” life and restricting theology to the life of the mind ends up excluding a huge portion of life from both faith and theology.”₁

How many suggestions have been offered (and sold) to us in order for our spiritual life to flourish despite our daily schedules of living? How many books, magazines, articles, blog postings, preachers, etc. out there are offering more and different ways, tips and tricks if you will, for us (as mothers especially) to set aside time to spend with God, to get away from the kids and husband to be with God, to step outside of ourselves and into the recesses of our hearts and minds to hear from God. I certainly don’t want to discredit the value and importance of these ideas of trying to relate to God, but is there not a way of relating to Him in the midst of all our busyness too? In the midst of playing with our children? Feeding and nurturing them? Even disciplining them? Can God only be met in the inner sanctum of our souls or is He all around us every day in the small and big moments of daily living? Can these moments be seen and experienced as communion with God?

Various disciplines from theologians have been recommended to us down through the ages in order to experience a closeness with God. “As helpful as all these aids to prayer are, however, they still require an interior focus of mind, will and heart that one can rarely find in family life. They call for a kind of stepping outside of one’s routine, or for bringing something that is outside one’s routine – God, spirituality, tranquility – into it. One participates in these disciplines “despite” or “regardless” of the chaos. They still assume one meets God in a quiet inner space.” Bonnie Miller-McLemore, the author, continues, “What I am trying to describe, instead, is a wisdom that somehow emerges in the chaos itself, stops us dead in our tracks, and heightens our awareness. I am talking about a way of life that embraces the whole of family living in all its beauty and misery rather than about individual acts of devotion, as important as they are to sustaining the whole. In other words, I am not trying to recommend a better way to pray. I am suggesting that faith takes shape in the concrete activities of day-to-day.”

Even Thomas Merton, well-known twentieth-century Catholic monk and mystic, argues, “Certain active types are not disposed to contemplation and never come to it except with great difficulty.”1 The author writes “about practicing the presence of God not through a prayer discipline that sustains a peaceful inner life but rather through practices that invoke, evoke and form faith in our outward lives. We already participate in such practices in the varied contexts where children and adults live together: playing, working, eating, talking, learning, fighting, making up, arriving, departing, and otherwise making a home.” She lists eight “practices” in becoming more aware of God’s presence. They are:

• Sanctifying the Ordinary,
• Pondering,
  
• Taking Children Seriously,
• Giving to Others and Oneself,
  
• Doing Justice,
  
• Playing,
  
• Reading and
  
• Blessing and Letting Go.
  

In the weeks ahead, we’ll find out more about these individual practices - how they may already exist in our everyday lives and how we can better commune with God through them.

Blessings,
Crystal

1. All quotes, unless otherwise specified, have been taken from the first chapter of In the Midst of Chaos.

2. Quoted by Thomas Keating, a Catholic monk

Motherhood vs. Madonna?

I didn’t really notice until I had Jayce, my second-born, how motherhood can really affect one’s spirituality. Going from a quiet, peaceful environment where it seems I had all the time in the world to devote to God in the way of a prayer life or devotions or church groups, meetings, etc. to a much noisier and messy environment where I felt exhausted and homebound with no mental energy to give to anything or anyone other than this little person who seemed permanently attached to my breast for a good part of a year was, to say the least, jarring. No more leisurely Bible reading in the quiet, sunny places of my home, no more prayers besides the occasional fragments I fired like clay pigeons* to the heavens every now and again – even church became more a monthly occurrence than a weekly one.

Did I feel guilty in not spending more time with God? I don’t know – I think I was too tired. But I eventually came to the realization that for me, at least, I needed to allow myself one year to feel like I’m back “in realignment” with God – one year to somewhat “detach” from this little human who has taken everything I’ve offered and then some, one year to let my hormones get off the roller coaster track and stop the world from spinning, one year to start feeling normal again. And I think God completely understands this and allows me that time as well. However, I think I need to question my own beliefs about the grace I feel I’m “allowed” during this one year period (or longer, once more kids arrive on the scene), and whether my spiritual “hiatus” necessarily needs to be viewed as one instead of seeing the opportunities within this time period to still be spiritual, still seek out spiritual opportunities and still feel spiritually connected to God in the everyday without feeling the need to do or be more. In the Midst of Chaos is a book I’m currently reading that addresses just this issue. In it, the author states:

“Within my own religious tradition, Christianity, faith and spirituality have usually been defined by adults who stand at a great distance from children. Spirituality, in this dominant view, is something that requires quiet and solitude and that is best experienced in disciplined settings of prayer, worship , or Bible study. Children and families can participate in these practices to some extent, it is generally acknowledged. However, the overall effect of this view is to portray faith in a way that keeps it separate from the daily experience of children and those caught in the mundane toil of their care.

I want to redeem the chaos of care as a site for God’s good news. What would happen, this book asks, if we were to search for spiritual wisdom by looking closely at messy, familial ways of living? What would happen if we considered how people discover God not just when alone, in worship, or on the mountaintop, but when with others – specifically when with children and all the turbulence and wonder they bring into our world?”

“This book is an invitation to discover God in the midst of chaos, not just through silence, calm, prayer, or meditation but by practicing faith within the tumultuous activity of daily life. It is about the chaos of family life and how people might find God within it through less commonly recognized practices of faith such as playing, reading aloud, deciding where to live, or figuring out how to divide up household chores. Revising our conventional understandings of faith and the spiritual life in these ways requires us to see children anew as more fully embodied and more fully knowing than some conventional views suggest, lots more trouble but also much more alive and wondrous. It also prompts us adults to look deeply at the dynamics of our own lives of faith.” 1

I’m officially intrigued, aren’t you? As I delve more deeply into this book, I hope to be able to share more insights with you about this topic and will probably be quoting from this book quite a bit to share some of its wisdom with you. My hope is that together we will be able to see where our spiritual lives can grow and are growing even in the midst of our everyday lives as mothers, wives and friends. If my eyes can be opened even a little bit to see God in my everyday life when I’m too tired to even look in a mirror some days and see myself, it will be worth it. I’d rather see God than myself any day anyway.

Love,

Crystal

* Anyone with an interest in or with a spouse who's into target shooting knows what a "clay pigeon" is - a small neon-colored target to shoot at as it jettisons across the sky.
1 In the Midst of Chaos: Caring for Children as Spiritual Practice written by Bonnie J. Miller-McLemore