It Takes a Village? Yes, Yes, It Does!

I know I don't write much on this blog site anymore, but I saw this post and it just screamed KAJIJIS! Anyway, when I read this, it literally brought tears to my eyes because of the stark truth in it along with the realization that this is what Kajiji Girls was all about. Life goes on and some things can't go on forever, BUT the needs go on as well and if we don't meet them, we starve and everyone around us suffers. I miss all of you so much and hope we can connect again soon! Enjoy!!

Every day I go about my life: drive my children to and fro, make breakfast, lunch and dinner, and change my baby's diapers in my four-walled house while the world buzzes around me busy and fast. My little plays on the floor and I watch him pluck toy after toy out of the large box in the corner of the room and although my life is rich with many things, I think about you because I miss the village.

I miss the village I never had. The one with mothers doing the washing side by side, clucking and laughing hysterically, tired in body but quick in spirit. We'd know each other so well: annoying one other from time to time, but never staying mad long because the truth is, we need each other.

The children would wake up early, as they tend to, and run outside, finding each other amongst the tall trees. They'd disappear into the field and forest for a day of play as we'd start our sacred work. We'd knead bread side by side, the littles at our feet, breasts, on our backs and in our arms. It would be impossible to tell whose children belonged to whom -- we'd all attend to the group of toddling wee ones, check on the deeply breathing babies, wave little hands off of our floured table, pinch cheeks and kiss boo-boos.

The days would be full of conversation as we expertly flexed a muscle that has since gone weak: the art of listening. Quiet empathy in lieu of passive judgement, and when called for, gentle, sincere advice. In our village, our members are our estate and we build them up.

Continue to original site to read more...

Opposite World courtesy of WLW Ministries

I follow a blog called Women Living Well Ministries and the blog author had a series entitled {Opposite World} where she shares how our lives as Christians are (and should be) quite opposite from how the world lives. I haven't caught all the posts, but the most recent one caught my eye.  It's about friendship between women, and I wanted to share it with you here.

"I got a phone call a few years back from a friend at church.  The girl called me to talk about our friendship that seemed strained. She called to see if anything was wrong (I LOVE that she took the time to call me).  I really had no issue with her –only that I could sense that she didn’t really like me. And I accepted the fact that not everyone in the world is going to like this fast talking, loud laughing, Bible girl…so I had made peace with it. We were polite in the halls at church but there was no real friendship.

So when she called to ask what was wrong? I didn’t know what to say…only that I felt like she didn’t like me but I didn’t know why.  Then she said it. She said her reason why."

Continued here...

Two Paths

My best friend is moving to France.  For a whole year.  There, I said it.  I may still be in denial about it, but I said it.  Besides death or divorce, this is probably the most traumatic thing an adult female can go through.  Losing one's best friend to another country is a difficult thing to swallow.  And having a baby just before being abandoned by said friend doesn't make the situation any easier.  So as I sit here in the daze of my fourth trimester as I like to call it, busy nursing, rocking and comforting my baby, my friend, Erin, is in the throes of her own chaos cleaning her house from top to bottom (did I mention they're house swapping with a family from France?), packing for an entire year abroad and saying goodbye to friends and family.  And besides being able to pillage her house and borrow whatever she's not packing and can be considered unnecessary for a French family to survive in America, I really see no benefit in this for me.  And yet God speaks to me and tells me there are lessons in store for me over the next year - in the words of Tim Hawkins, Yippy Skippy.

Though I don't idolize my friendships, per se, I can become very dependent on them.  After all, Kajiji Girls would not exist without Erin nor would Food n Flick or our awesome Thursday night ladies Bible study.  I may have some great ideas like starting something such as Kajiji Girls, but I probably wouldn't put it into action without Erin being my encourager and catalyst for such ideas.  This may be hard to believe if you know me, but being an introvert, I sometimes have a hard time being social or speaking up in a group or creating new events.  Even though it will be hard enough to get out over the course of next year with a new baby, it will be that much harder without the influence of my extroverted friend.  But God is telling me to learn to depend on Him that much more.  He will fill the void that is left when she leaves.  I'm not sure how He's going to occasionally babysit my kids or hold my new baby when I need an extra pair of arms or give me a cup of sugar or bake me crepes in the morning (ah, the tears are flowing now), but I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Though I have a houseful of kids and I homeschool so therefore I'm busy, God has shown me the times in my day that I tend to waste.  Now that I won't have the wonderful distraction of visiting with Erin or talking on the phone with her, there will be extra time in my day to do the things I need to do such as clean my house, take care of my kids, homeschool, meal plan/cook, etc.   You can only imagine how much time we spend each day conversing with each other or seeing each other and how that can impact my day.  She's established a great habit of every time she's on the phone, she'll clean her house or complete another chore.  However I haven't established that habit - enough said.  There will be new meaning to the verse, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."1  I get the feeling I will be much busier this upcoming year and much more productive, and I have yet to be given a thoroughly happy heart about that.

Anytime I have a problem or issue to talk through, I pick up the phone and call Erin.  Though she technically will still be only a phone call away, it will cost us money to speak internationally so we've decided to try Skyping with each other for free.  But using Skype will require a bit more "work" than picking up my phone and hitting the two buttons it takes to reach her.  However God has provided me with an amazing network of sisters-in-Christ with whom I can talk to, fellowship with and depend on.  I don't mind asking Erin for help because I know how much she loves me and is willing to help me with anything, but learning to ask others for help will take some effort.  It requires a different instinct to reach out to those one is not used to reaching out, but it's another lesson to learn.

It takes faith to love someone and then let them go.  I will grieve this year's holidays spent without seeing my "other family".  I will grieve every time I pass by their house now occupied  by foreigners.  I will grieve not seeing them as part of our house church fellowship every week.  I will grieve the times they, as my children's Godparents, will miss in seeing my children grow another year taller and all my new baby's firsts as well as seeing my own God-children experience another culture, another world and other friends.  It takes a LOT of faith to let them go - faith that we will survive this next year without each other, faith that I can be happy for them even when I'm sad, faith that they will stay safe, faith that they will come back and faith that the changes we both experience over the next year will not change our commitment to each other. It also takes faith knowing that God's lessons may be hard, but they will always be beneficial and "being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. 2

 

God's thoughts are not our thoughts nor His ways, our ways (3), and experiencing my best friend moving to France would not. be. my. way.  However seeing God provide this opportunity for them and how He has worked in this situation has been a comfort to me knowing they are on His path for them.  We can't always walk on the same path, but as long as I'm on the path He wants me to be on, I'll be alright.  May God converge our two paths together again quickly, and may we be better people and friends for the paths we're currently on.

1. Colossians 3:23-24
2. Philippians 1:6
3. Paraphrased from Isaiah 55:8

Thank You

Dear Kajiji Girl,
I want to thank you so much for being a part of our group this past year. We have had some interesting dialogues and wonderful debates. Is not this the way we are encouraged to pursue God and His truth – by being part of a community that opens our hearts and allows our minds to see truth where we would not normally find it? You, my sisters in Christ, are being used by God in subtle ways with enormous consequences. I hope you know that. I enjoy getting to know you and spying the beauty of a King’s daughter in each one of you. I hope through our group you have gained some valuable insight into your own spiritual/emotional life, and if you’ve been able to form bonds with other Kajijis in the process, all the better! I think you understand by now how much I’ve emphasized the sacredness of female friendship and why it’s so crucial to our spiritual, mental, emotional and physical lives. For some of you, this will be the last email from Kajiji Girls, and we want to thank you for your past involvement. Your presence at our groups has been invaluable and appreciated, and your words outside of our groups have been encouraging (even from those who have never been able to make it!). For those of you interested in continuing your involvement with Kajijis, whether that’s by gathering with us on a regular basis or just through our emails, we are so grateful that you are part of our group! We have done some really fun things this summer, and I also look forward to getting back into our “regular” routine once the weather starts to cool down.

You will be receiving an invite sometime in the near future to kick off the new season of Kajijis. We would like to extend the invitation to more women in our lives that we think would make great Kajiji Girls. If you know of anyone who could benefit from our group (and likewise that our group could benefit knowing), please feel free to invite them to our gatherings. Just let me know their info, and I’ll send them an email invitation.

Please, please, please let me know via email by September 1st (that’s this coming Friday!) if you’d like to stay on the email list. Simply email me a “Yay” or “Nay”, and please do so whether or not we’ve spoken in person as this will be my only indication that you are interested in staying involved in Kajiji Girls. We really don’t want to say goodbye to anyone, however we understand sometimes our group is not a good fit (whether in scheduling, relational dynamics, etc.) for everyone. We cherish the spiritual bonds of our female friendships and look forward to making new ones. Thank you for sharing your life with us these past few months. There are many more months of fun Fridays ahead us, and we would love to have you join us!!

Blessings,
Crystal

P.S. Speaking of Friday gatherings, we’ll be meeting at Butternut Farm in Farmington again (weather permitting) for some more fruit picking this coming Friday. At this time, they have a variety of peaches, many tomatoes, fall raspberries, more and more pumpkins and apples each day and just a few blueberries left. Calling them will provide an accurate update as to what fruits are ready to be picked this week. Check out their website at www.butternutfarm.net, and let me know if you plan on coming – thanks!

Butternut Farm Outing

Hi, Kajijis! I’ve heard reports from some of you that my last couple of emails have not reached you! I’m so sorry about that – I’ve been using a different email which I will not use anymore, I guess. :-/ So no, I have not abandoned my post or forgotten all about you, and I feel sad that my invitations to the last couple weeks of meetings have not reached you. If you have not received my emails, I apologize - we have missed you! Last week we went to Butternut Farm for PYO fruit which was fabulous and abundant in quantities of peaches, plums, blueberries, apples, raspberries, tomatoes, etc. Since most of you missed it, I’d like to try again next week. Most of the local farms are done with their PYO season, however Butternut Farm seems like a wonderful, family-friendly farm with copious amounts of fruit still available to be picked so please join us on Friday, September 1st for PYO fruit. Check out the variety of fruits and get directions at their website www.butternutfarm.net.

This Friday we’d like to meet somewhere outside, however we’re keeping an eye on the weather as it looks cloudy with a chance of thunderstorms. I’ll keep you updated and decide our location as we get closer to Friday. If someone would like to volunteer their backyard with the chance of needing to move indoors, that would be great too – just let me know.

I look forward to seeing you all again regularly as school gets underway and Autumn approaches. Have a great week!

Crystal

Rare Gemstones

Dear Kajijis,
Last week we gathered at Erin's house and got into the topic of friendship. I just want to say how much I have loved getting to know each of you and the friendships formed in our group. I think that the women God chose for this group are amazing, and I've learned so much from you all. I've never been a part of such a great interdenominational group of women who have so many different backgrounds, valuable ideas and godly ideals. You all have such caring hearts and are great examples of a true community of women. Thank you for making our little group into something so much more than just another playgroup.

David F. Maas states in his article "A Priceless Comodity",
"As the greater church of God has continued to fragment, splintering asunder congregations and creating yawning chasms between former friends and acquaintances, my wife Julie and I have come to the conclusion that a close friend who has God's Holy Spirit is one of the most valuable commodities one could ever desire. As more of our former friends and acquaintances drift away from the teachings that we once collectively valued - or seemed to - the ones that stay loyal become precious as rare gemstones.

In the words of the old Yiddish proverb, "There are three types of friends: those like food, without which you can't live; those like medicine, which you need occasionally; and those like an illness, which you never want." We certainly want to eliminate the last type, but we need to build and strengthen godly friendships. God's work is a love-building work, forging bonds between fathers and children and children and fathers (Malachi 4:6), in essence, the entire family of God. Godly friendship is the cement that makes this all happen.

Here is a recap of the essential characteristics of a Christian friendship:

• It places God first, the middle strand in a threefold cord (Ecclesiastes 4:12).
• It follows the principles or laws of bonding (interest in the same things), which include at the forefront a love for godly principles.
• It involves a give-and-take communication involving advice, criticism, and encouragement.
• It involves a climate in which the most sensitive of confidences can be exchanged without fear of betrayal.
• It consists of an unbreakable bond that lasts through good and bad times.

A minister once taught, "A friend is someone, who, if you make a colossal botch of something, doesn't think you've made a permanent job of it." God is such a friend. Let us try to emulate Him."

Well, we'll keep trying for the farm each Friday and hope that the weather starts to cooperate on our fabulous fun fridays. We'll try to meet at DeMeritt Hill Farm off Rt. 155 again this week. Let us know if we should expect you or not - thanks!

Blessings,
Crystal

Sacred Time

Dear Kajijis,
How are you all? Hope everyone has found ways to staying cool this week. For those on vacation, we miss you and hope you are having a great time that is restful and refreshing. I'm going to use this email as an opportunity to take a step back for a moment and address the needs of our group and those within it. With attendance being so low lately, it's been hard to judge how things are going. I'm curious to know how everyone feels about how our group is doing so far. Is there anything you feel we should change, include, etc.? Are you happy with the dynamics of the group, with the things we've done, with the discussions we've had? Would you like to see this group going in a different direction? Do you agree with our "mission" so far? With our mission being to serve each other as mothers, wives and, overall, as women, I'd like to know if you feel you've been benefiting from this. The initial welcome letter sent to all the Kajijis included this excerpt from a Focus on the Family article:

"[In today's society] female companionship is often difficult to find, and many younger women, especially those with two or more preschoolers, abandon the search for friendship. It is simply too much trouble. To the young wives who are reading these words, I urge you not to fall into this pattern. Invest some time in your female friends - even though you are all busy. Resist the temptation to pull into the walls of your home and wish for someone to talk to."

"Remember, you are surrounded by many other women with similar feelings. Find them. Care for them. Give to them. And, in the process, your own self-esteem will rise. Then when you are content, your marriage will also flourish. It sounds simplistic, but that's the way we are made. We are designed to love God as social creatures; we don't do well in isolation. Don't let that isolation happen to you."

Our Kajiji Girl time is meant to be sacred for you as a mom - a time that for just once a week you can be recharged in the spirit of female friendship. By the way, the season of summer doesn't negate this desire and need in us no matter how busy we allow ourselves to be. And besides being away on vacation or taking fun days off with the family, I don't consider the "busyness" of summer to be very refreshing or fulfilling, do you? The Fall season is fast approaching and school will be starting up again. I'd like to take this time to "regroup" in a sense and ask whether Kajiji Girls fulfills a need in your busy lives and whether you feel you can really commit to the group. If so, I will gladly keep you on our email list and look forward to seeing you on most Fridays. If you don't think you can commit or you have other ministries in your life that fulfills that need in you, please let me know (and no hard feelings!). I simply want to make sure that you are not caught in isolation as described above with no support group around you. I hope to hear from each and every one of you over the course of August in answering this question. If I have not heard from you by September, I will assume you are too busy to commit to the group. However, if there is anything that the group or I can do for you whether or not you can commit to the group, please let us know! We are here for you whether you can make it to our Friday gatherings or not.

This Friday looks to finally be a beautiful day for an outing - hopefully no thunderstorms or rain clouds and no heat stroke weather either. So we'll plan on meeting at DeMeritt Hill Farm in Durham, NH off of Rt. 155. Go to http://www.demeritthillfarm.com for directions and info about the farm. At this time, topics of discussion will be put on hold until group size is larger in order to facilitate more interesting debates. Looking forward to unifying our group for the coming season and enjoying what's left of this one!

Blessings,
Crystal

Akeret ha-bayit

Hi, Ladies! Sorry this is so last minute, but this week has been a bit crazy mentally-speaking with Michael taking the bar exam yesterday and today. I finally did come up with an idea for us all to meet at a nearby farm, but it looks like we’ll have to save that plan for another week with the weather not looking so good tomorrow. So unless someone would like to offer their house as “host place”, we can meet here again at my house. Hope that’s ok for everyone. I guess the summer does make it a bit harder to plan things. Anyway, just drop me a line if you think you’ll be able to make it.

Thought for the week:

In the Torah women are called akeret ha-bayit, the foundation
of the home. That doesn’t mean washing dishes. It’s educating our
children in everything we think about life. That’s the nature of what a
mother is. – Chaya Sasonkin

Has anyone been able to read the New Harvest newsletter I forwarded two weeks ago? Tomorrow’s discussion will center around the first three pages of the newsletter. Let me know if you need me to send it to you again. Looking forward to seeing everyone again!

Crystal

New Harvest Homestead

Hi, All! Last week at Wagon Hill Farm was fun and very peaceful – what a perfect day to have been outside letting the kids run around in the fields. Thanks to Jean for forwarding pictures of our group – they were great! We shared with each other about how we met our husbands and fell in love. It was so interesting to hear each one of us talk about God’s orchestrating our love stories so clearly and artfully. And they were so fun to hear! We’ll definitely have to share more personal stories like that in the future.

We’ll be taking a small hiatus this week as most of us for one reason or another will not be able to make it on Friday. I’ll be attending a homeschool conference for the weekend and won’t be around, however if any of you are really wanting to get together with those who are able, I hope you’ll take the initiative to contact others and set something up for Friday morning. We’ll all meet again as a group on Friday, July 21st – location TBD. (Isn’t this summer going by so fast?!)

Our next topic of discussion will be on a newsletter that I’m forwarding along to you. I discovered an interesting website called www.newharvesthomestead.com. I received the free introductory issue of the newsletter and would like to offer it to you to read as well. If you could read even just the first three pages to really get a sense of what it’s all about, it would be helpful as we’ll discuss it at our next meeting. (If you don’t have adobe reader or just can’t access it, let me know and I’ll copy & paste it into an email for you.)

I will email everyone the location of our next gathering sometime next week. Until then have a very safe and enjoyable week!

Crystal

What is your love story?

Hello, Kajijis! It’s been a beautiful week so far and hopefully, it’ll stay that way for the weekend also. Since I only heard from a couple of you regarding meeting in public places, we decided we’d try to meet outside again this week (like at the farm) since it was such a success last week. We’ll be meeting tomorrow morning at Wagon Hill Farm in Durham, NH. We’ll choose a spot to set up chairs and blankets and bring snacks for yourself and your kids. Emery Farm is just across the road where there’s goodies sold and also a few animals for the kids to watch and pet. If the weather doesn’t cooperate, the default location will be my place. (If it looks like rain, check your email just before you leave or call me to see if we’ve changed plans.) Please let me know if you’re planning on being there so we can watch for you.

As far as our topic of discussion this week, I think it would be great to occasionally delve into more personal territory and really get to know each other. I do have a list of topical questions that we can discuss such as “what are your discipline philosophies?” or “how do you instill confidence in your children?”, but I think this week I’d like to ask a more personal, getting-to-know-you kind of question. So…how did you meet your husband? Tell us your love story. Do you believe that God orchestrated the two of you being together and how do you think He did this? I really look forward to hearing all of your stories.

See you tomorrow!
Crystal

Cohousing

Dear Kajiji Girls,
What an unbelievable morning we had yesterday at Michelle’s family’s farm! Thank you so much for inviting us, Michelle! It was one of the most fun gatherings we’ve had. Of course, now we are trying to eat up all these strawberries which are very yummy. My family’s planning on making strawberry ice cream with them. For those of you who couldn’t make it, we’re sorry to have missed you on such a lovely day. I intentionally left the floor open for discussion of any kind as I wasn’t sure how the morning would play itself out so we ended up talking about the topic of cohousing. I don’t know if any of you are familiar with the term, but it’s a unique way of living in which a community of people create and design a communal neighborhood based on a shared vision/mission. It’s intriguing and appealing in many aspects. If you’d like to learn more about it, visit www.cohousing.org.

Erin took some great pictures yesterday at the farm and is able to share them with us – thank you, Erin! There are some really cute pictures…

I’d like to put a question to all of you: What do you think of meeting in public places during the summer? Ideas could be the beach, a playground, a park, a farm, etc. We could either have someone volunteer to bring the food to wherever we meet or we could pack our own picnics. The advantage to this would be not having to impose on anyone as hostess, and everyone would know in advance where we’d be meeting. The only concern I’ve heard about this idea is it may be a lot harder to carry on conversations with each other if our kids are running all over the place. Would meeting in a public location distract from the intimacy of our group? Please let me know what you think.

With that said, we’re looking for a hostess for next Friday so if anyone is willing to host the meeting at their house, that’d be great. And if I have no volunteers and a bunch of you liking the idea mentioned above, we may just decide to meet someplace completely different. So let me know as soon as possible. Thanks!!

Crystal

Personal Beauty

Kajijis,
Last Friday we met at Erin’s house and discussed the subject of our own personal beauty. Interesting theories and moving stories were swapped about our perceptions of our own physical beauty. A truth we all agreed on was that the more centered we are as children of God, the more He encourages us to see our own beauty. Even those of us who may view ourselves as beautiful, have parts of our bodies that we don’t like. There will always be flaws and defects. However, as we become more confident in our identity as Christ’s child, the better view we have of ourselves and others through Jesus’ eyes. By taking on our identity as the daughters of the King, we are given the ability to see ourselves as He sees us – created perfectly the way He chose us.

This week’s question is: How do you manage to get “alone time” with your husband? We’re looking for any tips or suggestions on being able to separate your “family time” with your “spouse-only time”. How do we make our marriage a priority? Do we or should we make our marriage a priority above other relationships including our children’s?

The more I experience human intimacy, the more I become aware of its
limitations. More and more I realize its inability to satisfy totally the
infinite capacity of my heart. Therefore, experiencing the limitations of human intimacy, I long more and more for intimacy with God, whether or not I realize I am longing for him.
-Paul Hinnebusch

This Friday we’ll be meeting at Shawna’s. Looking forward to having more thought-provoking conversations with all of you! Please RSVP if you’re planning on coming…and bring a lawn chair as it’s supposed to be nice outside!

God bless,
Crystal

Topic Questions

Hello, Kajijis! It was so great to get “back on track” with our group last Friday. We met at my house and discussed many different things as well as collected some more questions to discuss in future weeks. Those of you who weren’t able to make it can email me some questions/topics you’d like to discuss. Usually the questions remain anonymous so feel free to throw a topic out there. Here are some questions we’ll be discussing over the next few Fridays:

• How do you get “alone time” with your husband?
• What is your perception of yourself in regards to outward beauty? If you feel that you have a healthy perception, how did you come by that?
• What do you do to instill self-confidence in your children?
• How do you find time for sex???
• What are your discipline philosophies?
• What is your view towards money? How do you reconcile fulfilling your wants and desires with giving charitably to other people/causes?

I’m really looking forward to discussing these with all of you. Friendship/community is meant to be an empowering, knowledge-sharing, supportive environment – I think we’re achieving that by positively sharing our differing views with each other. It’s always encouraging to hear that we are not alone in our viewpoints and some of our ideas can help others. This week we’ll discuss the second question about our perceptions on our self-image. Try to devote a little thought to how you feel about yourself in terms of your physical appearance and whether you think you have a healthy perception of yourself or not. Where do you think your ideas about beauty and how you “measure up” came from?

This week we’ll be meeting at Erin’s house. Feel free to email me to let me know if you’re planning on coming or not – thanks!

Love,
Crystal

Time with a Friend

Hi, Kajiji Girls! I feel like it’s been forever since we’ve all met up and fellowshipped together (I know it’s only been a couple of weeks!). Of course, now that my husband’s graduation from law school is over and all the out-of-town relatives have left, I feel like my life is almost back to normal and my brain can start focusing on other things again – like getting together with all of you again! I’ve missed all of you and am hoping that we can all start making it a priority to get together. As school comes to a close over the next month and summer starts, it might be harder for some of you to make our groups or it might make life a bit easier. However our schedule changes, I hope that we recognize how crucial our “Kajiji Girl” time is for ourselves. If we see it as a sacred time to fulfill the needs and desires within us for female companionship, we will be better wives, better moms, better women.

We sit surrounded by words,
Shelves upon shelves
Of words.
Our conversation seems to compete
With all this communication.

I see sitting across from me a smile
That I should see more of,
The subtle wrinkles around
Her eyes more pronounced,
Her teeth showing in laughter.

Our conversation seems, at times
Too irreverent for
These surroundings,
The conversation of
Friends,
The slang of
Silliness.

This communication is something
Very important,
Not for the
Words it contains,
Not for the thoughts
Expressed,
But good for the soul.

Time With A Friend ~ Judith Erl

You all are good for my soul. I hope to see you all over the next few Fridays. Let me know if you’ll be able to come this week - we’ll be meeting at my house.

Love,
Crystal

Moai

Dear Kajijis,
So there really does exist a sun in our sky! Is anyone else looking forward to this Friday? I think we’re all ready to get out of our houses and let the kids run wild while we feed our brains with female conversation and stomachs with coffee and pastries. Our group met at Marisa’s last week where we talked about bringing Christ to our kids. Erin taught us practical tips she learned about ways to incorporate our faith into our homes on a routine basis. We even received a handout to bring home outlining some of the ideas in the book The Most Important Place on Earth by Robert Wolgemuth. Thanks so much for the time and effort it took to put that together, Erin – it was so helpful!! We had some great exchanges, and Marisa is always a wonderful host. Thank you, Marisa!

I read an interesting article this past week in National Geographic titled “The Secrets of Living Longer”. I’d like to share an excerpt about a group of people known for their longevity:

With an average life expectancy of 78 years for men and 86 years for women, Okinawans are among the world’s longest lived people. More important, elders living in this lush subtropical archipelago tend to enjoy years free from disabilities. Okinawans have a fifth the heart disease, a fourth the breast and prostate cancer, and a third less dementia than Americans”, says Craig Willcox of the Okinawa Centenarian Study. What’s the key to their success? “Ikigai certainly helps,” Willcox offers. The word translates roughly to “that which makes one’s life worth living.” Older Okinawans, he says, possess a strong sense of purpose that may act as a buffer against stress and diseases such as hypertension. Many also belong to a Okinawan-style moai, a mutual support network that provides financial, emotional, and social help throughout life.

The article highlights two women friends, Ushi and Setsuko who live together along with Ushi’s daughter, Matsu who herself is 78 years old.
These women have shared each other’s fortunes and endured each other’s sorrows for nearly a century and now seem to communicate wordlessly. What is Ushi’s ikigai, I ask – that powerful sense of purpose that older Okinawans are said to possess? “It’s her longevity itself,” answers her daughter. “She brings pride to our family and this village, and now feels she must keep living even though she is often tired.” I look to Ushi for her own answer. “My ikigai is right here,” she says with a slow sweep of her hand that takes in Setsuko and Matsu. “If they die, I will wonder why I am still living.”

Moai is defined as a group of friends, neighbors, or others
who get together regularly to provide reciprocal
support – social, emotional and financial.

This Friday, we’ll be meeting at Michelle’s. Please RSVP to let us know if we can expect you. This week’s question is “How do you and your spouse handle your finances?” Should be an interesting conversation… Can not wait to see all of you after this long week - thank you all for being my moai!

Crystal

Diversity in Friendship

Good day, Kajijis! Last Friday, we had a record-breaking number of you come to our group. Thank you, Shawna for hosting our large group – the food was awesome too! It was so great to have nine of you to discuss matters and get different viewpoints. We talked about support systems, and whether we’re satisfied with the support we have in our lives and where the gaps are in those systems. It sounds like we’re individually divided between needing more of a social circle of women and needing one or two close intimate friends. I believe that each are important and necessary in our lives and that we suffer when we only have one part of the whole. It’s not surprising that those with the close day-to-day friendships feel the desire and need to enhance their social circle, and those content with their social circle desire to find that intimate friendship or two. In my devotional about Celebrating Frienship, it reads,

Opposites attract, but can they stay good friends? Or does friendship depend on having lots of interests and opinions in common? “One of my great concerns – something I see frequently in Christian circles – is the tendency to isolate ourselves from those who are different from us,” says Luci Swindoll. “We gravitate toward people who think like we think, agree with us on everything, believe like we do, even dress the same. In so doing we miss wonderful, God-given opportunities to expand our understanding of the world and the people in it.” We also miss out on opportunities to grow personally and spiritually.

Of course, midst the diversity you need a soul mate or two – friends you connect with easily and deeply – to anchor the whole rollicking party. But before you shout, “Who’s got time for so many people?!” let’s clarify what diversity can pack into two or three friendships. Even if your friends resemble casts of thousands, you still need the essentials of depth and quality somewhere in that crowd. And let’s face it. Nobody’s just like you. (Thank God! That would be utterly boring.) The greatest examples of sisterhood still have individual differences, but they respect rather than revile, enjoy rather than envy, their friends. They take time to “settle in” with and accept one another, so what seems quirky grows endearing.

This Friday we’ll be meeting at Marisa’s house. The topic we’ll discuss this week is “How do you as a mom bring Christ to your kids? What are you doing right now while they are small?” Do you have any practical ideas you use on a daily or weekly basis to incorporate your faith into your family life? How do you best model your faith in Christ for your children? I can’t wait to hear your ideas as this has always been a guilt-producing struggle in my own life. Do we and can we ever feel as if we are doing all that we can to train up our children in the ways and admonitions of the Lord? Erin has recommended a book called The Most Important Place on Earth: What a Christian Home Looks Like and How to Build One by Robert Wolgemuth. Erin says there’s lots of great practical tips in it, and I’ve asked her to contribute some of these to the group on Friday. Looking forward to hearing all of your ideas on the subject…

Love,
Crystal

Master of Ceremonies

Hey, Kajijis! Today was a beautiful day that just got more beautiful as the day went on, didn’t it? It’s always nice to throw the kids outside for a bit to get some solitude. Anyway, a small group of us met today at Erin’s house. Thank you, Erin for hosting today. The coffee and croissants were yummy! We had a wonderful discussion about homeschooling vs. public or private schooling –it was really neat to talk about since all of us were in different stages with our kids and their education.

C.S. Lewis wrote, “For a Christian, there are, strictly speaking, no ‘chances’. A secret Master of Ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, ‘Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you’ can say truly to every group of Christian friends, ‘You have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another.’ The friendship is not a regard for our discrimination and good taste in finding one another out… At this feast, it is He who has spread the board and it is He who has chosen the guests. It is He, we may dare to hope, who sometimes does (and always should) preside. Let us not reckon without our Host.”

“Whether you are blessed with soul mates who settle into the most comfortable
room inside you, or with those who walk with you just a little while, not one of
these people crosses your path by chance. Each is a messenger, sent by
God, to give you the wisdom, companionship, comfort, or challenge you need for a
particular leg of your spiritual journey.” Traci Mullins

One of the questions that I’d like us to think about in the coming week is: What is your support system like? Do you feel that you have enough of a support system around you? And what would your ideal support system look like for your life right now?

We’re in need of a host for next Friday so if anyone would like to offer, please let me know. Hosting is really simple as it requires nothing but your home (or yard if it’s nice out). Also a snack is usually provided for the group such as coffee with coffee cake, pastry, fruit, or whatever you have. Someone else can bring snacks for the kids. And don’t be scared off by the thought of having 20 women (and even more kids) in your house! Our group consistently averages about 4 women a week. As the weather gets warmer, I look forward to being able to meet at parks, playgrounds, beaches, etc.

I thank God for purposefully choosing each one of us for this group. Thank you for choosing to come along on this spiritual journey!

Crystal

Time for Friends?

Good afternoon, my women friends! Today’s group hosted at Julie’s house (Thank you, Julie!) was small and very enjoyable though we missed others of you! Thank you to Shawna and Michelle for their great emails regarding the question of respecting our husbands. Since it was just Julie, Erin and me at today’s group, we decided to hold off on the respect question since it seems like it’s such a hot topic. I’m sure many of you have some great thoughts and questions to contribute to the matter so we’ll take it up again in the week(s) to come. Thanks for telling us about that website, Shawna – we’ll definitely have to check it out!

Julie had a couple of good “conversational” questions for today such as “Who in your life has been the most inspiring to you within the last year?” and “What has been your best spiritual experience recently?” We also happened to talk about the value of nutritional food in our lives and how it affects our behaviors, health, etc. It was interesting and such a great reminder to me to start taking better care of myself and my family’s health! We also read a couple of excerpts from a book called I Know Just What You Mean written by two lifelong women friends.

“Women have wider lives now. And busier lives. Friendship still
has to be squeezed into a schedule that puts family and work first, and in the
time crunch of modern life, friendship can be the first thing women lose.
In the movie, One Fine Day, Michelle Pfeiffer plays the very model of a
stressed-out single mom with a schedule so tightly wrapped that when George
Clooney asks her about friends, she snaps: “I don’t have time for
friends.” Time for friends? Women can’t help but see friendship as
the “treat” they can allow themselves only after the business of the day is done
– if it’s done. And yet…when we ask women the best part of the workday,
many say it is lunchtime, which gives them the excuse to “grab a bite” with a
friend at work, to sit down and talk. Young mothers set up play dates for
their infants and toddlers that are, in fact, mom dates. Women pencil each
other in around work and kids and men and doctor appointments and trips to the
supermarket. In spite of all the time pressure, women go to great lengths
to make new friends and keep old ones. The need for connection with other
women, to live lives in relationships, is so great and the pleasure of these
connections is so real, that women make remarkable efforts to counter the
centrifugal forces of our society.”

The big question for our next scheduled meeting is do we meet next week on Friday, April 14th? I know next week is Good Friday so I’m not sure if anyone has plans that would conflict with our meeting. Please email me a.s.a.p. and let me know your thoughts. Also we need a hostess for our next meeting – does anyone want to volunteer their home? It would be nice to know our group location set for a couple of weeks ahead of time just to make it easier on everyone as far as getting directions and knowing where we’re headed for the next week. So if you know that you could host next week or the week after, please email me. Also let me know your ideas on a name for our group, otherwise we’ll have to brainstorm at our next get-together!

We’re looking forward to seeing some new faces in the next couple of weeks and expanding our “community” of women friends. I know that God has special plans for us as a group, and I just know that each one of you will in some way inspire me in the coming year. May we continually “counter the centrifugal forces of our society” to make real connections with each other!! J

Love,
Crystal

Seasons of Friendship

Hello, Ladies. What a gorgeous day we had last Friday for our gathering! Thank you once again, Marisa, for hosting it. It was so nice out we were able to hold our meeting outside while all the kids played – it was fabulous! Anyway, we started up our focused topic discussions where we had everyone write questions down, and we chose two to discuss. Friday’s questions were “How do we deal with public temper tantrums?” and “Have you ever experienced post-partum depression, and how did you cope with it?”. I love the variety of experiences that every one of us has to draw on and the differing answers for every woman. I’m so looking forward to more discussions with all of you!

We determined we would choose another question to discuss for next week so be thinking about this one over the course of this week. It is in regards to respecting our husbands – do we respect them? How do we respect them? Do they feel respected? I know some of us have the book Love & Respect. Maybe those of you who are in the process of reading it or have read it will have some tidbits of wisdom to share or even quotes from the book that might be relevant. It’s such a great question and an important issue in every marriage.

We also determined that we really must come up with a good name for our group rather than “that mom thingy”. So please come up with some good names and we’ll put them to a vote. It doesn’t need to be too fancy or take too much time or thought – let’s just name us something! Feel free to email me ideas if it’s easier…

Each week I’m going to be trying to insert some idea about “friendship” and the value of it in our lives. Though I share some of these in our groups, I understand not everyone will be present for it or remember it. So on that note I’d like to share an excerpt from a book I’m reading called “Seasons of Friendship”:

“If we have a primary relationship, too often time pressures cause us to ignore or compromise the very friendships that would provide a matrix of connections that would nourish a marriage or a specially-bonded relationship. Without friends, even our primary relationships lose their quality and resiliency because we fall into habits or patterns that might be challenged or changed by new friends. The friends who provide space for our individuality – and companionship for the loneliness created by that individuality – also provide a context for self-identity that is essential to being truly alive. Without friends, we lose touch with our humanity.
The trouble is that close friendships are hard to nurture and even harder to keep in our transient world. Most of us have learned more about losing friends by moving away than we know about finding new ones or about deepening the friendships we have. The emphasis on individualism and autonomy in our culture works against making sacrifices to maintain a valued friendship, but I believe God has planted a seed of longing to be known and understood that blooms into friendship if given half a chance.”

Crystal